Pre-Marathon Jitters

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
Frank Herbert

Maybe jitters is an understatement… In truth, I am down right scared shitless terrified. The whole taper/rest thing hasn’t helped AT ALL!  How am I supposed to deal with all this stress without out running myself to the point of exhaustion, I mean really?  I think I am most frightened of not being able to finish- and the psychological devastation that would go with it.  I am only slightly less concerned about having to walk a significant portion; and my final lingering fear is the projection of being in some serious physical and mental torture for 5+ hours.

I find it slightly ironic (maybe even poetic) that I anticipate finsihing the marathon at around 5 and a half hours (body permitting!)- which is approximately one hour for every year I was with my abuser.  I keep reminding myself that 5+ hours of physical pain is a drop in the bucket in comparison to the years of abuse I endured.  Mentally, I know I have to strength to do; however, I am keeping my fingers crossed that my body and IT bands hold up for me.

As an added insurance policy, I just ordered a pair of compression tights from amazon.com.  I have had such great luck with my compression sleeves (even helping with my knee pain in a pinch!) that I hoped it might help with my IT band issues- which reared their ugly head during the Diva Half.  Any amount of reduction is the discomfort while running 26.2 miles is well worth the money spent in my opinion!  Plus, the product reviews looked really promising.

There are a few things that I will have going for me on race day (that I continually remind myself of).  First, I’ll have Adam with me, who- as far as I’m concerned- gets the BOYFRIEND OF THE YEAR AWARD for signing up to do this with me, ultra runner or not.  Just having someone there who supports and cares about me is something I know will make a HUGE difference.  Plus, I always push a little harder when we are running together.  What’s more Adam absolutely believes I am ready and can do this, and that almost makes me believe it too.  Second, I have a higher purpose for this run.  For once- hold your breath people- it’s not about the bling or racing swag. Instead, it’s about paying tribute to all those women and victims of violence who have suffered at the hand of an abuser.  It’s about taking a stand for those individuals and myself to say we are strong and we are going to do something about this.

I am happy to say the Running for the Color Purple Campaign is gaining momentum, and the money is starting to come in!  The campaign has gotten some publicity on the Channel 8 blog and with the Citizen’s News in my town.  I am beyond thrilled to be bring awareness to this cause, and my passion for it is what will help me push through the tough points when I am beyond fatigued and miserable.  Afterall, what wouldn’t you endure if it could mean changing or even saving someone else’s life?

Meds I may need by Saturday!

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14 comments

  1. When is this thing? Hopefully, it’s far enough out that you give yourself time to rest from the 1/2. I haven’t quite gotten to the point where a marathon is on my list yet…. I’m hoping to get up enough courage just to do the 10k! 😆 I think my biggest fear is getting lost on the route….. 😀

    1. It’s this Saturday. I had two weeks in between, and I’ve only been doing boot camp (no running :() in order to rest.

      PS. Getting lost on the route is not that big a deal. It’s usually pretty easy to find your way back. they mark most races pretty well 😉 Just bite the bullet and go for it. You’ll realize once you do one that it isn’t as bad as you anticipated.

      1. !!! Hope that was enough time to rest- although I SURE you can DO IT!!

        I have to get the sunglasses settled and something for cooler weather, but I am pretty well set I’m going to try barring something catastrophic, lol. I’m not even worried about the mileage- it’s really making sure my eyes are covered sufficiently…. I figure worst case scenario, I can walk if I need to. Hopefully they really are organized in this town. 😆

        You don’t need this reminder, but make those resting days count! It would bite to have a hip blow-out- although, once you finish, you’re done. 🙂

      2. I think I should be ok in terms of rest. All the lack of running is making me crazy though. By the time I get to that marathon I may just take off through it due to all the pent up energy. LOL (I am pretty sure that’s what happened with the Half btw ;))

  2. I had the same exact fears as you, but none of them came true. I did finish despite getting on the swag wagon for a quick rest. I walked about 5 miles and it didn’t make me feel like a failure or anything like that, because 5 miles covered on foot is 5 miles on foot no matter what. And the pain sucked but the second I crossed the finish line, I forgot it and didn’t care. Besides, that’s what the drugs are for afterward!!! 🙂 you are going to finish and be fine!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

    1. Thank you so much Noel! I feel like I totally relate to your running in pain and dealing with doctors (who don’t know what they’re talking about). You are, without a doubt, one of the most inspirational people I’ve met through this blog! I was so RELIEVED to read your post and that you made it! And SO HAPPY FOR YOU! You ROCK!!!

  3. the days leading up to a big race can be so nerve wracking, whether it’s your first marathon or your 20th! just accept the fears and nerves and know that it is completely normal to feel that way. but also keep in mind that running your first marathon is such an awesome experience – nothing beats crossing the finish line after conquering the distance for the first time! 🙂 don’t start out too fast, stay hydrated and fueled, and BELIEVE that you can do it. mental strength is such a huge part of running a successful marathon, so if you remain focused and determined and it sounds like you will, you will get there!

    i love running my long runs and races in compression tights – i use 2XU.

    good luck on saturday!

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