“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
Maybe jitters is an understatement… In truth, I am down right
scared shitless terrified. The whole taper/rest thing hasn’t helped AT ALL! How am I supposed to deal with all this stress without out running myself to the point of exhaustion, I mean really? I think I am most frightened of not being able to finish- and the psychological devastation that would go with it. I am only slightly less concerned about having to walk a significant portion; and my final lingering fear is the projection of being in some serious physical and mental torture for 5+ hours.
I find it slightly ironic (maybe even poetic) that I anticipate finsihing the marathon at around 5 and a half hours (body permitting!)- which is approximately one hour for every year I was with my abuser. I keep reminding myself that 5+ hours of physical pain is a drop in the bucket in comparison to the years of abuse I endured. Mentally, I know I have to strength to do; however, I am keeping my fingers crossed that my body and IT bands hold up for me.
As an added insurance policy, I just ordered a pair of compression tights from amazon.com. I have had such great luck with my compression sleeves (even helping with my knee pain in a pinch!) that I hoped it might help with my IT band issues- which reared their ugly head during the Diva Half. Any amount of reduction is the discomfort while running 26.2 miles is well worth the money spent in my opinion! Plus, the product reviews looked really promising.
There are a few things that I will have going for me on race day (that I continually remind myself of). First, I’ll have Adam with me, who- as far as I’m concerned- gets the BOYFRIEND OF THE YEAR AWARD for signing up to do this with me, ultra runner or not. Just having someone there who supports and cares about me is something I know will make a HUGE difference. Plus, I always push a little harder when we are running together. What’s more Adam absolutely believes I am ready and can do this, and that almost makes me believe it too. Second, I have a higher purpose for this run. For once- hold your breath people- it’s not about the bling or racing swag. Instead, it’s about paying tribute to all those women and victims of violence who have suffered at the hand of an abuser. It’s about taking a stand for those individuals and myself to say we are strong and we are going to do something about this.
I am happy to say the Running for the Color Purple Campaign is gaining momentum, and the money is starting to come in! The campaign has gotten some publicity on the Channel 8 blog and with the Citizen’s News in my town. I am beyond thrilled to be bring awareness to this cause, and my passion for it is what will help me push through the tough points when I am beyond fatigued and miserable. Afterall, what wouldn’t you endure if it could mean changing or even saving someone else’s life?
- Still Reeling (runningthriver.wordpress.com)
- On the Edge (runningthriver.wordpress.com)
- It gets harder before it gets easier… (runningthriver.wordpress.com)
- A runner’s diary: Dont let last-minute jitters jam you up (theglobeandmail.com)