Don’t Step on My Sunshine

“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back.

If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it.

If you can overcome that, fights are easy.”

-George Foreman

Generally speaking, positivity is my baseline state of existence (possibly related to all the exercise associated endorphins).  However, I have noticed recently that there are some people in my life who are extremely annoyed by it and working hard to drag me down.

Specifically, I believe these people are threatened and dismayed by my refusal to get sucked into their negativity and drama (or by my overwhelming awesomeness…. jury is still out j/k)  In all seriousness, I have been making a very concerted effort to avoid negative thinking or speaking because it just ends up making me feel bad; and frankly, I’m just not a gossipy, mean spirited person.  I think everyone gets fed up to the point of complaining (including me), but I really try to reel myself in and cut it off.  Having struggled so hard to gain happiness back after trauma, I’m just not willing to risk engaging in anything that’s going pull me back down to that dark place.

Of course, this has not been going over well with certain individuals, and there’s been several comments made involving how I think I’m better than them and just love everybody- including people they dislike immensely.  Realistically, there are a lot of people I can’t stand and happen to interact with on a regular basis.  However, I still treat them pleasantly because it’s a reflection of who I am -not what I think of them, and no, it’s not fake.  I don’t think not liking someone is an acceptable excuse to trash him/her and be disrespectful.  Bottom line: talking sh*t about other people and treating them like dirt (even if it seems justified) only makes you look bad and wastes a lot of energy I don’t have time for that kind of negativity.  It has nothing to do with thinking I’m better than you.  It has EVERYTHING to do with preserving my own sanity.

The thing that has really been bugging me recently, though, is the constant barrage criticism directed at me.  Most annoying are the comments involving what I eat.  Since I started training for the Hartford marathon and working out a lot harder several months ago, I have been needing to eat every 2-3 hrs or I get light headed and develop a terrible headache.  It’s not like I’m pigging out on garbage (or even eating a lot in one sitting)- however one individual in particular feels the need to point out how many calories are in everything I eat and why he has a problem with me eating it (and no, I didn’t ask for his nutrition advice). He even told me yesterday “I hate you. You eat ALL THE TIME and you’re still so skinny.” Seriously???? Would you like to come work out with me?  Maybe you should try burning 4000 calories in a single run and then come back and tell me what I should or shouldn’t be eating.  I don’t smoke, I don’t use drugs, I RARELY drink, I work out multiple times a day, and have even given up diet soda (tear… 😦) and someone has the nerve to tell me I eat too much and he hates me for not gaining weight.  Someone please pinch me because I am living in an alternate universe where people suddenly feel they have the right to monitor what I’m putting in my mouth and give me an attitude about it.  I didn’t get thin and in shape by accident or luck. I  BUST MY ASS to look like this, so until you are willing to do the same, back off!

Also, if I am eating a soup (small soup for that matter…it was brocolli in case you’re curious) from Au Bon Pain, don’t come tell me what a waste of money it was and how I should bring my food from home.  I am well aware of how much I paid for it.  I don’t bug you every time you buy a coffee.  Yes, I paid $6 for a cup of soup and piece of corn bread- now let me enjoy it in peace.  It was worth the $6 to me to get a little happiness from a cup of soup after busting my ass all day and now you’re giving me attitude about it.  Despite what you may think you are not “doing [me] a favor”, you’re actually irritating me.  I don’t keep track of what you do with your money, please grant me the same respect.

Soooooo…. as you may have guessed yesterday was a stressful day at work.  Instead of burying myself in a bottle of wine or bag of name-your-junk food when I got home, I did the first Insanity workout.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I managed to not blow up at any of the people getting on my nerves.  I did, however, point out to the food police (the soup thing was actually a different person) that if he stop drinking like a fish and worked out, he might find he’d lose the weight he wanted.  Just for the record, I actually do like the food police (he does, in fact, have many good qualities); he just has a way of taking out his own insecurities on other people.  I feel like I am much better at dealing with this behavior than I used to be, and a lot of it comes from just being more secure in myself.  That being said, he still irritated the H-E- double hockey sticks out of me yesterday.

Normally, I try to keep my posts pretty positive- but I’m human, and this was something that really bugged me.  Being an individual who tends to mind my own business, I can’t comprehend how a person can get so up in other peoples’ business and feel like they have the authority to tell them how they should be living their  lives.

I’m sorry to disappoint everyone who has an opinion about how much I work out, my eating habits, my relationship with Adam, or anything else going on in my life; but I am going to continue following my own heart and doing what’s best for me.  If I screw up, then it’s my lesson to learn.  If I get hurt, I’ll deal with the consequences.  From now on, if you truly want to be a part of my life, try keeping your negative comments to yourself- as frequently your “constructive critism” is really just critism and not constructive at all.  I’m a good person, I treat other people with respect, I take care or my body, I’m responsible, I volunteer, and I’m happy with my life.  I think I’ve been managing okay on my own.  I’m not going to stop being who I am because it threatens or offends you.  Let me be me.

And don’t step on my sunshine…

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22 comments

  1. you are doing so well!!! let this be water off a duck’s back. you are so brave to post this here, like the letter to people I should have written and never did (and then it’s too late). but you did. you are there! it’s perfect. you have already grown beyond it. if these are people you can’t walk away from, then why not write them a flowery card, something you would want to receive, and put your limits down for them. is that a silly thought? maybe 🙂 … after all it’s coming from someone who never had the courage to do *just that* …. xoxoxoxo

  2. Whoohooo! You tell ’em girl!! This is what keeps you thriving, we can’t be anything more than human, but we sure as hell can be all the human that we possibly can be. You go get ’em Sunshine!

  3. I think there’s a difference between being completely negative/hatey and writing/talking out your emotions. Although I’m trying to be as generally positive as you seem to be, sometimes it’s not enough to just smile and try to think sunshiney thoughts. Sometimes the upsetting things just keep swirling around until we deal with them somehow.

    Also, I think sometimes other people (you, for instance) can seem to have everything worked out. In your case, because you are generally positive, healthy and trying to live the way that is best for you. For people who read you, it can be encouraging to hear of the times you find this less easy and how you deal with it.

    Finally, I really admire the inner security you do seem to have. I’m working on mine, but I would still find comments like the ones about your eating really embarassing and it would make me reluctant to keep doing something that drew attention like that from others.

    1. I fully agree with you; however, in regards to the food stuff- the situation is hard to avoid and I’m not going to sneak food just to satisfy someone else’s insecurity. I refuse to give anyone else that kind of power over my behavior, no matter how much they’re irritating me.

  4. AMEN, AMEN, and A-freaking-MEN.
    And WOOOOOO-SAAAAAAH!

    I opened this post in a new tab, and kept meaning to read it. It took me a while. But I’m one of those crazies that believes in timing. And I read this at the exact time that I needed to. And AMEN! Did I say that already?

    You do YOU. Let them watch. Someone once said that life is a show, and there are some who are the “entertainment” and some who sit and watch. While eating popcorn, getting fat, and making comments about everything they’re NOT doing. *shrus* I’ll take being the entertainment ANY day, and I’m sure you would too. 🙂

  5. This is a great post. I’ve had a couple friends sort of wonder why I’ve “disappeared” lately — we just don’t hang out as much as we used to. It’s really because those particular friends can be so negative! Work, men, life, family…complain complain. It takes so much out of me to be around that much negativity, and I can get sucked down into it relatively easily. So while I still see those friends occasionally, I am trying to surround myself with my life-giving friends. I only get this one life — I might as well make the best of it!

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