Thriver

Feeling Tri-Umphant

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

-Theodore Roosevelt

You know how I’m always saying that “I will succeed because I am crazy enough to think I can”… Well this past weekend, I was crazy enough!

That’s right! It’s the post you’ve all been waiting for: My REV3 Olympic Recap

It would be wrong for me to tell you that it started Friday night with the race expo because the truth is, it started loooooonnnnng before that. It started as a little, tiny, glint-of-hope, pipe dream. It was one of those crazy goals that I wanted to do someday. It was so far out of my comfort zone, I never actually believed I would do it. Yes I hoped and I dreamed, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around ever getting there.

Through countless hours of training (and regular public humiliation) I learned to swim and bike… from scratch. Ten months later, I found myself at a safety briefing for my first real triathlon. It would have been far too sensible to start with a sprint distance. Instead, I had set my sights on a half and downgraded to the Olympic. I was clearly ~~smoking crack~~ out of my mind.

I am reasonably sure that the actual job of the race director who gave our briefing was to scare the bejesus out of all the newbie triathletes. I found this both cruel and sadistic. I had visions of him knocking over the ice cream cones of small children for fun while he spoke. After stressing how hilly and difficult the course was, he actually made it a point to say that the race officials would be focusing their attention on all the newbies who didn’t know what they were doing. Well thank you so much Mr. Sunshine, because I wasn’t terrified enough already.

After his glorious pep talk, I went home and couldn’t sleep. In fact, I called the hubs almost in tears on my way home. He assured me I would be fine. I made him promise that he would have told me if he thought I couldn’t do it. I tried my best to calm my nerves, but it was no use. I applied my race number tattoos (while second guessing where I was supposed to put them, convinced that it would invariably be wrong) and headed to bed.

By 3 am I was wide awake and still utterly terrified. There was no peaceful calm, no get it done attitude- just sheer terror. I forced down some water and sweet potato and headed back to the park and bike transition. I hadn’t racked my bike ahead of time because it was raining when I left. I did heed the advice of the director and arrived well ahead of check in only to find it completely empty. This dramatically dropped his credibility in my book. I tried to catch some sleep in between trying to cram last minute calories and frequent trips to the bathroom for that wonderful pre-race nervous pee ritual we all know and love (hate). Thankfully, I was forward thinking enough the evening before to have asked one of the transition volunteers about the set up, so I was at least fairly confident arranging my transition area.

Before I knew it, it was time to head to the shore. On my way, I saw my personal kayak escort from my open water swim! It was like the heavens themselves opened up and smiled down on me I was so relieved to see her! She told me I would be fine, and I actually believed her… for like 30 seconds before I hit the water. I did take the advice of the director and do a warm up swim. It definitely helped with calming my nerves. Once I was confident that I could swim without having an all out panic attack, I headed over to watch the other waves start.

I distracted myself by making friendly conversation with some other first time triathletes which, thankfully, gave me a sense of ease. In fact, I entered the water feeling relatively calm. I knew my task for the swim would be to remain calm and conquer my nerves. It is something I have had to do countless times being terrified of swimming from the beginning (who knew that’d turn out to be such a plus?). I just kept repeating “I love to swim” over and over in my head and focused on my stroke. The course went by fairly quickly, and I learned my first newbie lesson- wear tinted goggles when open water swimming. For approximately one third (the backstretch) of the course, I could not see anything above water due to the sun. Instead, I tried to follow the trail of bubbles in front of me and hoped that the people ahead of me knew where they were going. Once we were back on the final stretch, it was smooth sailing. I was complimented on my way out of the water for being the first to exit smiling- which is amusing when you consider I started in the 4th wave and got passed by a good part of the 5th (the last)… who literally swam over me. Did I mention that was the Athena wave (ie. Amazonian sized women)? Yea, that was not intimidating at all…

I took my time in transition because I knew I could. I didn’t want to rush and forget something. My goal for this race was simply to finish, and I knew I had enough people behind me in the water that I wouldn’t get pulled. I had no idea what my swim time was when I headed out for the bike. (It turned out to be 38:59) I was so relieved that the hubs and I had done the course earlier in the week as a test ride. I felt so much more confident knowing every turn and hill on the course. More than that, I had enjoyed the ride, and looked forwarded to repeating it. It was beautiful with rolling hills and picturesque scenery. There were two steep sections and a couple sucky hills, but there were also some AWESOME downhills with nice wide roads. The best part was that the bad uphills were in the middle of the course while the fun downhills were all in the second half. In my mind, they were my reward for all the hard work I had put in up to that point. I slid back on my seat, tucked in, and FLEW down those stretches (On the preview I clocked just shy of 40 mph!). I barreled past other riders- despite the fact that I managed to drop my chain on the way down. I had to stop twice to fix it at the bottom and toppled once unclipping, but none of that even remotely dampened my spirits. Even with dropping my chain and the stops, my bike took 1:54:39.

My free finisher photo. Thanks REV3!

My transition time between my bike and run was shorter than my first primarily because I ate while running out. The run course was hilly but completely manageable; and the miles went by quickly. Because I knew I was in no danger of getting pulled, I ran smart instead of fast. I picked a comfortable pace. When the hills got steep and I thought I could walk faster than run, I did. If ultra running has taught me anything it’s that there’s no point or glory in running when all you are going to accomplish is burning out your legs. It’s better to spare the energy and kill it on the downs and flats.

So that is what I did, and it worked for me. I finished the run strong- blasting through the finish (It’s amazing how much faster I can move when the end is in sight!) with a total time of 3:43. The hubs was there waiting with one of our friends. They had actually ridden out to meet me on the bike course and cheer, though, in truth, they met me going up while I was headed down and were completely out of breath. I was still happy to see their faces, nonetheless! I also was fortunate to have AMAZING support from the the Waterbury Tri Club peeps volunteering throughout the course. It was definitely a HUGE boost every time I saw any of them- and especially when I hit the aid station at mile 5 of the run and they all erupted into cheers. I would have stopped to hug each of them had I not been so ready to be finished!!!

I can’t even begin to explain what it feels like to work SO HARD for something and then FINALLY achieve it. Even though I still have not reached my dream of a half or full ironman, I did accomplish my goal of becoming a triathlete- and that is HUGE! I am now officially a woman who is too badass for just one sport. I swim, bike, and run. I will continue to swim, bike, and run until the day when I no longer can. There may even be an ~~Ironman~~ Full REV at Cedar Point 2015 on the agenda. Who knows what the future holds.

You can bet no matter where life takes me that I will keep pushing and challenging myself. To me, that’s what really living is. It’s taking risks, getting out of my comfort zone, and redefining myself everyday. #thriveon

Are you a triathlete? Thinking of becoming one? You may be interested in checking out the ladies below for some laughs and inspiration:

Brook’s Tri Sprint Recap: The raw, [uncensored] TRUTH about my race day mistakes. – Make sure you aren’t drinking anything when you read Brook’s blog or it may come out your nose. You’ve been warned! Also consider joining her Sole Sisterhood while you’re there! It’s completely free.

Swim Bike Mom’s Journey to 140.6: Week 3 of 24– Really you should just read her WHOLE BLOG and her book. In case you hadn’t noticed yet, I’m kind of a big fan. She speaks my language, and by that I mean snarky… oh and she refers to her lady parts as “the queen”… This may make us soulmates, but I don’t think she’s realized that yet so we’ll keep it on the DL (That’s “down low” btw)

Norma Bastidas’ Record Triathlon Brings Awareness– I first heard of Norma in reference to her ultra running, which is pretty darn amazing in its own right. I am not going to give you all the deets of what makes her such an awe inspiring individual because I really want you to read it yourself, but I will say that this women has truly persevered beyond just learning to swim for her Mega Triathlon (woman after my own heart…).

That is all for now my loves!!!! I hope you are having a wonderful week!

Go chase your dreams!!!!

Trust In Yourself and Your Training

“Never give up.

And most importantly, be true to yourself.

Write from your heart, in your own voice, and about what you believe in.”

-Louise Brown

Hello My Lovelies!

I meant to update you all sooner, but I had an unexpected detour. Before I get into the details of my recent #EPIC adventures, let me update you on the preceding events.

The weekend prior to my BIG RACE, I decided to go for a ride with my tri club peeps. I had originally hoped to do the Rev3 Olympic course for practice, but instead we did the local Griskus Olympic course. I wasn’t terribly disappointed because I figured any time on the bike would be good for me. Plus, I typically enjoy riding in groups more than riding on my own, so I thought it might be a good confidence boost. Turns out, it was not my greatest ride. In fact, it was my most disastrous in some time. I think this was partly due my nerves about the upcoming race and partly because I was super intimated by the group of individuals who came out.

Normally when I meet up with people from the club, there tend to be one or two people at my skill level. However, these people were all far more experienced than me not only with cycling, but triathlon in general. A few of them seemed surprised that I had signed up for the Rev3 Olympic as my first tri, especially given my obvious lack of confidence (and skill) with the bike. I did not even bother to mention to them that I had actually downgraded to Olympic and had originally planned on the half. Given that they were already questioning my sanity, I didn’t want to go ahead and confirm their suspicions for them.

Needless to say, before we even started our ride I was feeling out of my league. It only went downhill from there (cycling pun). Despite my best efforts to relax and have fun, I just couldn’t find my groove. I was fumbling with my pedals and even tipped over upclipping at the top of a hill. Then, because I had dirt in my cleat (I HATE you Speedplays), I couldn’t get back in my pedals to get down the hill. Everyone else was light-years ahead of me. And just because that wasn’t bad enough, I managed to get my chain completely stuck between two gears during a steep climb. For those of you unfamiliar with cycling, that means I had to dismount and fix it (not such a big deal)… and then try to get started again… uphill… on a steep incline… yea not so fun…

I can’t actually remember if I did anything else to embarrass myself on that ride. The whole experience was rather mortifying. I was frustrated because it was the mechanical stuff I was struggling with, not the actual riding. I knew I could do better, but everyone assumed I was just struggling because I was new. I did manage to run a few miles as part of a brick, but I still couldn’t relax. I felt like I was being silently judged (and unfavorably judged at that!)… I am sure that most of this angst was just my nerves and in my head; however, it was the little comments here and there I had trouble tuning out. Things like how the Olympic Rev3 bike course was very similar to the half, how hard open water swimming is, and how I should be doing my bricks in order (instead of swimming last which I still stand by as more efficient in terms of showering and making me a stronger swimmer… I mean if I am statistically most likely to die on the swim then doesn’t it make sense to make sure I am comfortable swimming tired? just saying…) kept working their way up into conversation.

So here’s the thing, I am just not a subscriber of the cookie cutter training method. I truly fail to believe that one training regimen can work for everyone. For example, what if I don’t feel up to a 10 mile run on the day it’s scheduled? Am I supposed to just push through and do it anyway? Where is the allowance for listening to your body? Plus, I find a lot of those plans require significantly more mileage than I would do on my own. Now that is not to say that they don’t work great for some people, but I just would rather do my own thing. I feel like I have trained for enough endurance events to know what I need to do to be prepared. Apparently, that makes other people a little nervous… especially Type A people.

The thing is, those people aren’t with me when I’m at the YMCA every Saturday morning doing 24-30 miles of spin, followed by a 7+ mile incline run, and a 1 to 2 mile swim. They aren’t there for the other countless miles I swim, bike and run. They aren’t with me when I’m running half marathons or ultras, and they have no idea that I’ve been cross training with a personal trainer twice a week. Beyond that they aren’t aware of what kind of background or mental conditioning I have had up to this point in my life, and they don’t know me.

All that being said, it’d be silly of me to take it personally. It’s not that I’m incapable in their eyes; it’s that they don’t understand where I’m coming from. There are some people who would just never sign up for a race they weren’t sure they would do well at, let alone finish. The way I train and challenge myself is scary to them, and that’s ok. I don’t need them to believe in me. I believe in myself.

Perhaps when those same people see me crossing those finish lines and chasing my dreams it might inspire them to break out of their comfort zones and do the same.

The Word Hypocrite Springs To Mind

If you arrived at this page through a shared link, I have to inform you that the post you were looking for is no longer published.

I am a woman of my word, and I did state that I would take it down if anyone involved regretted their actions and/or apologized.

If you are interested in the subject of bullying I would like to refer to this post instead to understand why I was offended enough to post in the first place.

Those of you who wish to help support Laura in her fundraising can find her GoFundMe site here. You can also leave her some love in the comments below.

Anyone wishing to learn more about her can find her personal blog here.

To Laura (and everyone else dealing with haters today)

You keep being YOU! Live your dreams, never apologize for being yourself,

And keep kicking ass.

We at The Running Thriver support you!

Haters say what?

“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back.

If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it.

If you can overcome that, fights are easy.”

-George Foreman

You know those super perky, obnoxious people who just seem to be happy about everything all the time for no reason? Does it make you just want to hate them? Well, I happen to be one of them. Okay, well not all the time. Certainly not when I’m at work anyway. However, I am when it comes to any kind of exercise. I truly LOVE and enjoy working out. I am an absolute endorphin junkie.

I remember back when my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, they prophylactically put her on prozac to avoid situational depression. She loved that stuff. She would always comment about how it was making her “fat” but she didn’t care because she felt so great on it. She said she would rather gain weight than give it up. That is how I feel about exercise. Sure I appreciate that is good for me, but mostly I do it for the endorphins. It is literally the only thing that helps my anxiety; so even if I gained a hundred pounds doing it and found out it wasn’t good for me… I think I’d still do it. I’m an addict.

Perhaps that is why I can’t seem to grasp how other people can workout and not enjoy it even a little bit… like not even when it’s over. Do they have endorphin resistance? Are they so determined to be grouchy that even a good workout doesn’t help?

What’s more, I can’t fathom why anyone who doesn’t enjoy exercise or racing would sign up for an endurance event.

Last weekend, the hubs and I had a fantastic time at the Waterbury Duathlon. However, there was a gentleman near me for much of the course who was ABSOLUTELY hating life. He was moaning and screaming up all the hills on the bike section, and I (being a friendly and supportive runner at heart) would yell encouragement to him each time I passed. (SIDE NOTE: This was primary because I have a compact crank that makes my bike better suited for climbing… and I’m tiny which also works to my advantage on the way up). While watching him struggle, I thought of suggesting he invest in having his bike properly fitted, but figured the timing would not have been good. Besides, what do I know?… well, at least a little more than this guy.

Anyway, apparently I annoyed the bejeezus out of him because when we were about halfway though our second 5K, he grumbled something to the effect of “Congratulations, you are the person I HATE this race.” At the time, I assured him that I was not trying to pass him and simply trying to run at a comfortable pace. He growled he would prefer if I just passed him already. Then, after making a rude comment about one of the finishers coming back through the course to cheer the other athletes on, he admitted to being an “angry runner” (two terms I didn’t think could ever be used together). So, I asked if he preferred cycling instead.

In retrospect, it was probably a really stupid question… just based on the amount he was screaming and carrying on during the bike leg. Which begs the question, if he hated the running and the cycling then what on God’s Green Earth was he doing there? It just sort of boggles my mind. I didn’t think people who ran and biked that far were capable of being so cranky. Perhaps he didn’t train enough, but still… what a tremendous waste of energy.

Here is was a beautiful day with a well organized event, and this dude was hating everything and everyone- me most of all, apparently. Well excuse me Mr. Grumpy Pants, but you’ll just have to pardon my enthusiasm. If you are truly in the habit of picking a person to hate every race; then maybe you, dear sir, need to find a new hobby.

The day that I stop loving and enjoying running and working out is the day I will stop altogether. What is the point of going out there and doing these things if not to enrich our lives? Sure, there are times when I hate the training and the discomfort during an especially long run or tough workout, but mostly I am grateful. I am grateful because there are so many people who give anything to be able to walk let alone run. I can do amazing things with my body, and that is a privilege. It’s also something that can change in an instant- a thought I try to remind myself regularly.

Above all things, trail running is pure bliss for me. Even in the midst of running a full ultra, I still love it. I smile the whole way through. I consider myself lucky to be able to take a whole day to myself to do something I love. I am not torturing my body when I’m out there running a 50K, I am challenging it. Yes, sometimes it can be painful, but that is what the training is for. More than anything, though, it’s empowering and rewarding. The reality is, there will come a day when I can’t run, bike, or swim anymore. Until that day comes, I am going to appreciate each opportunity I have. I will be chasing dreams until the day I die. That is what makes me feel most alive.

I just don’t understand how Mr. Grumpy Pants missed the boat on what a gift it is to be able to bike and run at all, let alone compete. Maybe I offended him because I made it look easy. Perhaps it was because I smiled and cheered on everyone around me. More likely it was my sheer joy and enthusiasm which resonated exactly the opposite of how he was feeling.

Regardless, it wasn’t my issue. I’m not going to dial down my enthusiasm and friendliness to avoid offending some cranky dude I’ve never met. Frankly, there is no pleasing people like that. The struggle they’re facing has nothing to do with you or me. It’s entirely with themselves. No one should ever feel obligated to apologize for simply being happy, genuine, and loving life.

Go out there and love life to your heart’s content. The world needs more passionate people. Be like George Foreman and let all the negativity around you just roll off your back. You know I’ll be in your corner. 😉

Waterbury Duathlon Recap

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.

If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

-Dale Carnegie

It’s the moment you have all been waiting for! That’s right, it’s time for my Waterbury Duathlon Recap! Spoiler Alert: I didn’t die or get maimed. That means I am now officially someone who competes (and I use the term loosely) in more than one sport! I am a duathlete!

To say I was nervous going into this event would be a gross understatement. Absolutely TERRIFIED would be a more accurate description. Luckily, my uber supportive and encouraging hubs came along for backup. I was a little surprised when he registered because he had signed up for the Five Boroughs Bike Tour the day after. Have I mentioned recently how much I love him?

Anyway… he made sure our bikes were all prepped and ready to go the night before, so we were all set to go in the morning. After finally settling on parking at the YMCA (after driving around in circles ~~forever~~ a few times) and taking a short walk to the start, we headed over to registration. Can I just say that I have never raced in an event that required an ankle bracelet for a time chip. There were also so many stickers and bib numbers! It was just a little overwhelming… especially given that I didn’t even know how to rack my bike. It made me very grateful to have the hubs there to show me how to set everything up.

I was also relieved to have my first race involving cycling with our YMCA family! There were lots of familiar faces, which helped to put me slightly more at ease. Everyone was so supportive and encouraging. All I could think was if I could just get through the bike, I would be fine. My motto for the day was “go slow, have fun,” and I repeated it over and over in my head.

The thing that frightened me most was that the bike course was in downtown Waterbury, and it wasn’t closed. This meant not only did I have to contend with my general clumsiness on the bike, but do so while avoiding traffic. Are you freaking kidding me? As if I’m not challenged enough. lol Had I only known what was coming!

I think you could have given me all the time in the world, and I still would not have felt ready at the start. My bike was racked, my transition area set, but there is just no feeling prepared when you step outside your comfort zone. As crazy as it sounds I think I was almost more afraid of the USAT official than the actual race. Not that she wasn’t a nice person, but it was more than a little intimidating to go from just running to a race with rules and penalties. I was so scared of accidentally drafting or doing something I could get disqualified for… As if the race official was going to care about those of us in the middle or back of the pack.

The first leg of the race was a relatively flat 5K. It went by fairly quickly despite the fact that my legs weren’t feeling great. I tried to just relax and focus on my running form. I reminded myself that just because I didn’t feel great at the start didn’t mean the whole race would be bad. If ultra running has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t judge a race by the first three or even ten miles. As long as you hang in there, chances are things will turn around… eventually.

I was actually surprised when I looked down at my watch at the end of the 5K and saw it had only been 22 minutes. I made my way around the park into the transition area and caught a glimpse of the hubs on his way out. I tried to take my time getting set up for the bike leg because it was my very first transition and I didn’t want to forget anything.

Thankfully, I managed to mount my bike without too much difficulty; even though I did accidentally release the fastener on my shoe by hitting it on the pedal and had to fix it before I could get on. Still, before I knew it, I was clipped in and on my way! I was relieved to find they had officers at each intersection to direct the traffic.

I just was starting to relax and think it wouldn’t be so bad when the hills started…

It wasn’t that the uphills were particularly hard. Sure some were steep and long, but it was anticipating all the downhill that had me spooked. What goes up must come down, right?

I was probably the only person who dreaded those down hills more than the up. As it turned out, it was with good reason! When we did finally reach the top of all those hills, we were rewarded with an incredibly steep downhill. Not just a downhill, but a downhill through traffic, with a sharp right turn at the bottom! I kid you not, I thought it would be the end of me! I couldn’t help but visualize myself wiping out on that turn. It was not pretty! All I could think was that I should have unclipped because I was going to eat it! What’s worse is that it was still downhill after the turn!!!! Even worse still, the course was a loop, so I had to do it all over again on the second lap!!!!

I sincerely thought of ditching my bike and quitting I was so shaken. I almost cried. In fact, I’m surprised my lip didn’t bleed from how hard I was biting it. Despite my better self preserving instinct; however, I didn’t quit. Instead I finished my first loop and headed out for the second. I dreaded coming though the downhill again, but I was determined to get through it. The second time through was even more awful because we had to navigate between a line a traffic and row of parked cars. There was almost no margin for error. I was SO glad I had practiced riding through all those lane dividers on the Cheshire bike path and managed to keep myself straight. Thankfully, I made it all the way down and around the turn without crashing. Once I got back to even ground, I knew I was in the home stretch.

I plowed through the rest of the course back to transition, and after being redirected to the appropriate exit (yes, I initially went the wrong way), I headed out for the final 5K run. My legs felt heavy as I expected they would. Again, I focused on form and tried to relax. Despite the fact that I felt like I was barely moving, the miles were going by quickly so I knew I was moving at a good pace. The sun and heat were killing me, but I had already survived the bike. There was no way I was going to let a little warm weather take me out! It kept telling myself “It’s only 5K, it’s only 5K “. I chipped the miles off one by one, then before I knew it, I had the park in my sights!!! One of my swim buddies was volunteering near the park directing runners, and I shouted his name because I was so happy to see him. I think he was surprised to see me already so close to the finish because I had told him how terrified I was about this being my first event with a bike. He told me I was “Rocking it!” and I continued on my way.

At that point there was only a short distance… including a ridiculous staircase (I mean really? A staircase? Sadists!) to the finish. The hubs was there at the finish waiting for me. I ran straight to him and I could see the time on the clock was 1:57!!! I cannot even explain what it felt like to cross that line! I had been so scared and worked so hard. It is just indescribable what it meant to me to actually take the leap and do it. Less than a year ago I bought my first real bike, and now I’m a duathlete.

The hubs and I went to check the results and he was excited that he had one of the fastest times on the bike course. (Woohoo! Go hubs!!!) I was just happy to have finished. I was ecstatic it was in under 2 hours, and in utter disbelief that I finished in the top 50. As part of the race, we got bracelets that entitled us to a free beer and sandwich at one of the local pubs so we headed over to eat. Instead of finishers medals, we were each awarded a pint glass. I know, again with the pint glasses. I’m going to have quite the collection!

Actually, we left our glasses at the pub… Okay they took them, but we didn’t mind because they had the pub logo instead of the logo for the race anyway.

After we got home and cleaned up, we headed out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants followed by ice cream at a local creamery. Just in case you were wondering, I did not feel the least bit guilty about all the calories. I especially didn’t feel guilty for the DELICIOUS s’more martini I had with dinner to celebrate.

Overall the hubs and I both had a great experience. It was a very well organized event, and I was glad that my first tri event was on our home turf. It definitely made it less intimidating and added some comfort level. Plus, it was fun to see so many familiar faces out on the course. I was really happy that the hubs was so pleased with his performance. One of the guys from the bike shop we use had recommended he get into racing, and I think his performance might help encourage him.

When we finally got home from all our festivities, the hubs showed me how to clean the bikes and re-lube the chains. I had told him that I want to get comfortable with the maintenance, so he has been introducing me to the basics. His mom sent us a text while we were working to let us know she saw our race results and that we had done better than we originally thought. Sure enough, I had placed second in my age group, 12th for the ladies, and 48th overall! Not too bad for my first time. The hubs had finished 26th overall and was well ahead of me with a time of 1:42. For the record, though, I ran my second 5K faster than him. 😉

It’s hard to imagine, even now, how much this journey to triathlete has changed my life. It has forced me to face and conquer my fears on a regular basis. I decided I wanted to someday finish an Ironman before I even knew how to swim or bike (properly). Now, I am well on my way to achieving that dream. I may not do a full Ironman in the next year, or even two, but now I have the foundation to get there.

In fact, the day after the duathlon I went to the pool and swam over 2 miles without even getting tired. The last 1100m I swam continuously. It’s a far cry from the girl who was terrified to even put her face in the water. That’s how much stronger and more confident triathlon has made me.

Moral of the story: Some of the most rewarding and worthwhile moments of your life will start with being scared to death. Don’t be inhibited by fear. Everything worthwhile in life is on the other side of it.

Life as a Whirlwind

“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder.

We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.”

-Frederick Douglass

Holy Chaos! It has been a SUPER busy week over here! I thought it was about time to update you on all the exciting things this very busy Chik has been up to! FYI: You may want to grab a snack before you start reading. This is going to be a looong post… but don’t worry, I added lots of pictures to keep you entertained. You’re welcome!

I figured last week would be EPIC given that I ended the previous one with an Ultra, and it started with the Boston Marathon! I also expected it to be busy, but I never could have guessed how much I’d get accomplished.

For starters, I only worked two shifts because I have been ~~working like a slave~~ helping my parents move. My brother and I loaded and unloaded THREE moving trucks of furniture, boxes, tools, and household items. It took a full two days (of working almost 18 hours a day) to get the trucks filled and unloaded. Then another whole day to get the house unpacked enough to be livable… Plus, that’s not even mentioning how many car loads I have brought over and by car I actually mean my Subaru Crosstrek and my husband’s truck. Why yes, I do have other siblings. Um no, they didn’t help. My younger sister is a teenager, so her idea of helping consisted of inviting a friend over and throwing her stuff all over her new room… mostly on the floor. My older sister is contending with my niece who just learned to walk… and by walk I mean run (her daughter takes after me more than her… she is in sooo much trouble…) So it was basically my brother and I with some help from the hubs when he wasn’t working.

That being said, my mom is super thrilled with their new place, and that is all that matters!

So obviously given that I had just done a 50K and spent three days hauling boxes and moving furniture, it seemed like a really good idea to sign up for a half marathon. Okay, it actually seemed like a really bad idea, even to me, but I have run the Cheshire Half it’s first two years. I really love that race! I want to be one of those 80 year old ladies who they announce has run it every year since it started. Besides, I figured if I didn’t run it, I would just be super cranky when all my friends were posting pictures about what a great day they had. So really, I did it for the hubs so he wouldn’t have a crabby wife. I’m selfless like that.

I went into the race not really expecting much of myself. I knew I had logged some serious mileage at the Ultra and my IT bands were still wound up tight. Plus, it was super windy, so I expected that to really slow me down. Much to my pleasure, I found my friend Lu, who had also ducked inside to escape the cold, before the start. We both considered this a stroke of luck given the number of runners and took it as a positive sign for the day. We chatted a bit, mostly about running- big surprise there! He said his goal was a sub 1:50, and I told him I would be happy to break 2 hours. We both agreed that given the conditions, we didn’t have high expectations. Like me, though, Lu loves the Cheshire Half and didn’t want to miss it. Also like me, Lu runs for the joy of running. He’s not out there to compete with anyone but himself. He is really just a kind soul and a joy to be around.

Not long after running into each other, we found the rest of the boot camp crew. Seeing all of them made me seriously consider rejoining! They are such a great bunch of people. They were also super excited about the Half, and many of them were doing it for the first time. I felt very blessed to have found all my friends before the race! It was a definite boost because they are all so positive and inspiring.

In another stroke of luck, the sun came out and warmed us up a little at the start. The weather actually turned out to be PERFECT. It was overcast, cool, and there was a nice breeze instead of the strong winds when we arrived. Lu and I began together after losing the rest of the group walking to the start, and he left me in the dust in no time! My first few miles were a little rocky. I mentally prepared myself for a grueling 2 hours. However, after the first 5K I started settling in and felt okay. By mile 6, I was even feeling strong! Strangely, the longer the race went on, the better I felt.

The course, for the most part, is a flat one; and most of it runs through a tree lined bike path (part of the reason I like it, I am all about the trees). For the first several miles of the race I had to fight the urge to push myself harder as everyone passed me. Instead, I spent the entire race focusing on my form and zoning out with my ipod. The hubs had picked and loaded all the music for my first Ultra, so it made me smile to listen to his selections. He even put our wedding song on it! Who knew he could be so romantic?

Conserving my energy paid off because the few hills on the course came up between miles 8 and 10. All those people who passed me on the flats started to drop behind me when we hit them. My legs were tired, but they still felt good. I figured my pace was steady because the miles were still going by quickly, and I was passing people instead of getting passed. I also knew where the worst hill on the course was, and once I was over it I told myself I was in the home stretch. I was excited because I knew I would have a strong finish. I had also been running at a good pace the whole way and felt so good that I thought I might PR.

I hadn’t looked at my watch once. I didn’t want to psych myself out or get over confident. Instead I wanted to focus on running at a comfortable pace. I didn’t want to push my body to the point of feeling sick. I also didn’t want to push too hard after having just done an ultra. Mostly, I was just in awe of how strong I felt after what I had put my body through last weekend. I silently thanked my body and reveled in how far it exceeded my wildest expectations.

I ran those last few miles hard because I knew I could. I felt great! Yes I was tired, but I also knew deep down that this was the best I had ever done running a Half Marathon. I wasn’t sick or hurting or hating life. I enjoyed almost the entire thing! When I hit mile 12, the clock read 1:45!!! My first thought was that if I was at this time at mile 12, then Lu must be finished. He absolutely must have met his goal! I did a little happy dance for him in my head. Then I realized “HOLY $HIT! I AM GOING TO PR!” I knew there was a possibility that the clock was wrong, but I just felt too good for that to be the case.

Despite the fact that it was still cold out, I stripped off my long sleeve shirt, so I could sport my Team Tough Chik jersey that last mile. I wanted to represent my fellow Toughies out there! They are all so inspiring, and I am beyond proud (and BLESSED!) to be one of them. I wanted to have that shirt visible when I crossed the line. It was a magical moment. I almost cried. The clock read 1:55. It was the fastest Half Marathon I have ever run, and I did it one week after running an Ultra (and two weeks after my first #1 in my age group). Holy-Freaking-Epic! I still can’t believe it!

The funny thing is, my last PR for a half was at the Hartford Half Marathon 2 weeks after my DNF at the Ultra Beast. Apparently Ultras agree with me. Perhaps I should do one before every half…

Oh and as if that were not enough #EPIC news, I also got this email:

That’s right! I am now an official Sweat Pink Ambassador!!!! Take that Fitfuential! At least someone appreciates my awesomeness. Just wait until I’m famous and the AWESOME-train has left the station without you. lol

But wait! There’s more! I also had a CT-ALIVE board meeting, and our program director Susan Omilian (the woman who changed my life after the abuse) has asked me whether I would be willing to become co-vice president of the board. Pretty exciting stuff! Either she appreciates all my enthusiasm, or she has not actually read this blog and doesn’t realize what a raving lunatic I am.

Anyway, I was telling her about my mad graphic designing skillz (that is an intentional typo btw, because I’m all ghetto with my mad skillzzzz) now that I have discovered picmonkey.com. She was so impressed that she gave me my first job as a graphic designer… minus the getting paid and it actually being a job part. Actually, I’m just doing her a favor and making uber cool graphics with some of her quotes. I already sent her a bunch, and she was pretty pleased. I consider this high praise because Susan is an even bigger perfectionist than I am. Here is one of my favorites:

If you are interested at all in the concept of thriving, you should totally check out her website. I cannot say enough about how wonderful and helpful her workshops were! Plus, if you don’t live in the area, she has a Thriver Workbook that you can do on your own at home. I know it sounds a little cheesy to do a self help workbook as an adult, but I have bought one for my mom, and she loves it. In fact, I have actually bought a few for other women as well, because I really believe not only in her book, but in empowering other women to live happy, fulfilling lives.

That is all for now my lovelies! I hope you are all off to a great week! What did you all accomplish this weekend? I would love to hear about it!

Boston Strong

“Every serious marathoner should do Boston,

to experience the close to a million spectators,

the three generations of families out cheering,

the little kids handing you water or orange slices.

The whole city really appreciates the runners.”
-Neil Weygandt

I am not sure what being a “serious” marathoner entails, but I do know that I am seriously into running! Perhaps that is why I was glued to my twitter feed all morning (in between entering orders and caring for patients) drinking up every ounce of information as if I had been stranded on a dessert island with no other source of sustenance. Truthfully, I was rooting for Shalane Flanagan more than any other runner out there. It was clear how badly she wanted it… Plus, I am a sucker for a hometown hero. Add to that the fact that she is no taller than I am and a totally bad ass lady; and you can start to understand why this women has won my support.

If not, watch this:

Hello! She is wearing a polka dot jacket and she compared running to church… clearly we were separated at birth and I just happened to miss out on the super athletic genes.

Okay, now that we are on the same page… Let’s talk about why I am obsessed with the Boston Marathon. For starters, Boston is the brass ring of the marathon and distance running community. It’s a goal that so many people dream about. The amount of blood, sweat, tears, and months to years of preparation and training it takes is unlike any other marathon. The time qualifiers are so competitive that I will easily be in my 60s before I qualify by their standard, and that is only if that don’t up the qualifiers by then!

Boston is not a race you run on a whim. It’s a race you pine and dream about. Every runner in that race has earned a spot there; and before you point out that there are plenty of people who get in by fundraising for charity- I would like to just invite you to take a look at the minimal fundraising requirements to get in. When you find a cheap one, you let me know. Point being every runner out there deserves every bit of support from the crowd.

I have always been a fan of Boston; however, after last year’s marathon it has become even more significant. The tragedy that happened last year shined a national spotlight on the marathon and running community. It carried marathon running into the mainstream more than it ever had been. It inspired more people than ever to want to run a marathon and to want to run Boston. It brought the spectators and runners together. It drew people who never had interest in running into the sport (yes, it is a sport). The Boston bombing didn’t scare anyone away from the Boston Marathon, rather it attracted them in droves.

Why? Because it was a tremendous display of community and indomitable strength. The aftermath of the explosion was filled the city with terror, but even more so it was filled with courage, selflessness, charity, goodwill, empathy, and compassion. All the best parts of human character showed through more luminous than any damage those terrorists could have inflicted. People risked their lives to help complete strangers. Runners continued (after running the full marathon) to the hospitals to donate blood. Finishers gave up their medals to those individuals who were stopped short of their goal. The whole nation rallied in support.

The Boston Marathon was not defeated, rather it became an even greater symbol of resilience. It brought Patriots Day from a little know local holiday into national consciousness. Perhaps, the next step should be to declare it a National Holiday, and we could all celebrate the Marathon together… Should anyone decide to start that petition please let me know!

In the meantime, I showed my support in the best way I knew how. I started by joining the 118 For Boston Movement and logging all my mileage with the tag #118ForBoston in RunKeeper. If I can’t run Boston in person, then at least I can run miles for Boston! In case you were wondering, I included the #118ForBoston tag on my Ultra mileage on Saturday as well. It was my last official contribution before the race this morning. I also wore my race shirt and sneakers in support of Marathon Monday as well! My newest shirt addition from the Traprock Ultra just happens to be Boston Marathon colors, and super awesome to boot. I think it may be my favorite race shirt yet! I am pretty sure I am the only person who dressed in support of the marathon today at work, but I just assume that’s because everyone is living under a rock…

Luckily for me, my coworkers were pretty tolerant of my exuberance about the race. They even humored me with feigned interest when I rattled off the standings every 15-20 minutes. I was sad that Shalane didn’t win, but happy for her that she ran the first half faster than the course record and got a PR. I was also pumped that Rita broke the course record with a time of 2:18:57. The women totally rocked that race!!!! Way to represent ladies!!!! I think I even heard that Rita ran a 4:47 split at mile 24 which was one of the fastest splits for any of the racers- male or female. By the time they announced Meb as the male winner, I think I was ready to jump out of my skin with excitement…. luckily this coincided with my lunch break.

So after spending my morning finally fully recognizing just how useful (and what a God-send for those of us stuck at work with no TV!) twitter can be, I texted the hubs to share my enthusiasm about the results. Can you believe he didn’t know what I was talking about? And he is a runner? Before questioning how we are married, I decided that he must have just woken up. Obviously, if he had been awake, he would have been equally as captivated by the days events… like every other runner on the planet… hello!

Poor hubs… He had no idea what he was getting himself into when he met me. And to think he once made a comment about his ex-fiance not being a “real” runner because she “only ran half marathons” (Pfff as if there were such a thing as fake runners… At the time we weren’t even officially dating and I don’t think I had ever run more than 8 or 10 miles). Oh hubs, how many times have you had to eat those words in the past 3+ years…

What did you all do to show your support for the Boston Marathon today?

Just a little more inspiration for you…

You can also see her dance again and learn about the technology here

Congrats to all the Boston Marathon Finishers!!!!!

So You Have Crunchy Muscles Too?

“The more injuries you get, the smarter you get.”

Ikhail Baryshnikov

Not so long ago, my Blogging Idol The Bloggess published a post entitled “My Search Results Terrify Me” which was both hilarious and strangely thought provoking. In the past few years I have been blogging, I have never bothered to check my most recent search terms… so, of course, I did immediately after reading it.

In the process I discovered some interesting things about my audience… and internet users in general. For starters, despite the many deep and heart felt posts on this blog, the most popular has been “You Have Crunchy Muscles.” This is likely because “crunchy muscles” and multiple variations of “crunchy shoulder muscles” and “crunchy back muscles” were among the most frequently searched terms. This leads me to believe that either A) There are way too many people walking around with crunchy muscles or B) There, sadly, are not many other resources to guide victims of this unfortunate affliction. Well, fear not my friends! I am here to help. First, however, I would like to share with you some of the other popular terms that are directing your peers to this site.

In Order of Popularity:

1. Running Inspiration– YES! I am happy this is reason #1 for blog traffic.

2. Yoda Quotes– I have mixed emotions about this one, but given that I am a Yoda loving geek at heart, I consider this a win.

3. Burpee Exercise– Glad I could help with this, but you may want to check out the Spartan Page for more explicit instruction. Oh and since you are already into burpees, you should sign up for my Spartan Race Giveaway too!

4. Running Thriver– Bravo to you! You found me! Next time you can just add the www and dot com.

5. Kreativ– I am guessing that this has to do with the Kreativ Blogger Award?

6. Crunchy Muscles– Hang in there peeps! Help is on the way!

7. Breast Cancer Awareness– I did have one post in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month…

8. Nice Words to Say– Aw Internet, I am touched… no really.

10. Don’t Forget to Be Awesome– This is indeed important to remember.

Other Less Popular, but Slightly More Entertaining Search Terms:

Love Handles & Sore Love Handles– Clearly I talk about mine too much; but apparently you’re interested. Let’s be friends.

Marathon Motivation– Um, did you read my marathon recap– DON’T DO IT!!!! Just kidding! But don’t say I didn’t warn you..

Being Sick Sucks– Yes, yes it does.

Remember You Signed a Death Waiver– No death waiver necessary here, but if you are offering…

Bad Ass Socks– Why yes, I do have some. You can them them here.

Ischemic Colitis– Let’s not go there again…

Why Do My Love Handles Hurt After Running? – Again with the love handles?

How Long Before Running Gets Easier– It doesn’t. You just get better. Haven’t you read the fitspo?

Ass Boot– ????? And that brought you here?

Hate is a Strong Word But I Really Really Really Don’t Like You– Well I’m glad we cleared that up…

Hot Warrior Dash Girls & Hot Tough Mudder Girls– And the internet directed you here? Oh Internet, you flatterer…

My Life is a Constant Battle between My Love of Food and Not Wanting to Get Fat– Yes, we all struggle with that…

Marie Osmond Hot– As opposed to Donny Osmond hot?

Nothing Sexier than a Woman in the Gym– I guess I am pretty sexy then…ALL THE TIME

Butt Muscles Funny Pictures– Nope, not even going there…

Will Doubling Up on P90 x Get Me There in Half the Time– Depends where “there” is exactly. If you mean injured, then yes it absolutely will…

I Work Out Diligently But Still Have Love Handles– Repeat after me: I have love handles, and that’s okay. Then read this and this… oh and this.

And My Favorite:

Running Llama– Where do I get one?

Okay now back to the hundreds of you who have found this blog due to your crunchy muscles (generally 1-2 of you a day). First, I have to warn you that while I am a medical professional I am not an orthopedic PA and do not work in sports medicine. Rather, most of what I know about sports related injury I have learned from first hand experience. If you are suffering from an injury you should probably have it evaluated rather than trying to push through it.

If you, like me, have crunchy muscles there is a good chance you have scar tissue built up- typically from repetitive activities. All that running, lifting, cycling, and swimming comes with some cost. I have not had much personal luck with Orthopedic Doctors. I did, however, have tremendous success with a sports medicine chiropractor. If you are considering seeing a chiropractor, I would encourage you to see one who has a background in sports medicine or is familiar with Active Release Technique (A.R.T.). In a nutshell, A.R.T. is a practice used to break up scar tissue and improve mobility. The first time I had it done was absolutely AMAZING. It was not painful at all. After some heat and stim, the chiropractor basically had me move my shoulder in different directions while he used his fingers to break up the scar tissue. I went into his office barely being able to lift my arm (while on muscle relaxants) and left with near normal range of motion (no drugs necessary!)

If you are weary of chiropractors or can’t afford one (my insurance covered it 100% at the time), there are some other gadgets you can invest in at home. Here’s a run down of a few of my favorites:

Foam Roller: Great for tight IT bands, quads, hamstrings, and mid back. Warning– It is going to hurt like a mother (let me repeat: LIKE A MOTHER ie. tears rolling down your cheeks), but it will get the job done. GO SLOWLY and work all the tight spots out.

Trigger Ball: I am pretty sure a tennis ball would probably work as well, but I LOVE this little guy. I use it DAILY. The main spots I use this thing are my shoulders and upper back. It effectively breaks up all those knots from cycling and lifting. It will snap, crackle, pop, and hurt so good. Since I started using the trigger ball regularly, I haven’t needed the chiropractor.

**Should you fall in love with the previous two, Trigger actually has a whole kit of gadgets for deep muscle massage and myofascial release.

Yoga: Mix it up! Yoga will help you relax tight areas and actually help lengthen (stretch) your muscles too. If you are a YMCA member, chances are they have a yoga class you can take. Otherwise there are plenty of other options including DVDs. My personal favorite is P90X yoga, but I wouldn’t recommend it for rehabbing an injury.

Swim: Try some active recovery after a long run or ride. I routinely do my swim at the end of my workouts because I find I am significantly less stiff and sore than when I don’t. Not surprisingly, studies have found that swimming is a great form of active recovery and even decreases inflammatory markers in your system after a workout.

Most importantly, be sure to listen to your body! Don’t push through injuries. Take rest when you need it. Rest days are an important part of training, and are necessary to give you muscles time to recover. Also, pay attention to your diet. Nutrition plays a HUGE part in muscle healing and body inflammation. Finally, take time to get adequate sleep. Your body won’t repair itself when you are busy running it into the ground.

Remember, it’s the only body you are going to get, so take good care of it!

#TutuGate

“When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.”
– Bette Davis

(Well I guess I am about to be a biotch then….Love you Bette!)

So given that you are all living and breathing (if not, we may need to talk), you have most likely heard about the recent debacle with SELF Magazine (no free linking for you SELF, you are on my sh*t list!). Just in case you missed it, SELF Magazine decided to go the route of Miley Cyrus and this chick (who shall remain nameless because what she did is not cute or “witty” in my opinion… especially the part where she insults the other runners and “rent a cop” hired to keep the race safe) and gain notoriety through the path of infamy. The difference between SELF and Miley however, is what SELF did was a lot more offensive than twerking at the VMA’s. Instead of just embarrassing themselves, they attempted to take shot at a brain cancer survivor who makes tutus to raise money for Girl’s on the Run. Dude, seriously…. I mean seriously?

In the process they managed to offend and let’s face it piss off a good chunk of the running community and the population in general. I mean, what kind of Supposedly-Pro-Women magazine takes shots at WOMEN? Better yet, how about taking shots at women doing something to EMPOWER themselves? Well done SELF! I admit that I am no expert in running (no pun intended) a magazine, but I am pretty sure that insulting your audience is not generally considered a great idea.

FYI SELF Magazine

Beyond that, SELF magazine makes some other fatal errors (like not noticing “Die Tumor Die” on the race bib… again seriously?) For starters, they assumed that people wear tutus to “run faster”? I just can’t keep writing “seriously”…. Clearly this magazine is not written by people who even remotely understand the running community (I realize I am stating the obvious here). You would think a women’s magazine of all places would understand the concept of fashion over function! Anyone who has ever run in a tutu can tell you it is certainly not for the purpose of going faster. Tutus are itchy and get stuck between your legs. They are not even remotely comfortable to run in. Hmmmm… so if not to run faster then why?

How about running in a tutu to raise attention and money for a cause… maybe like the women that SELF attempted to humiliate? Or how about wearing a tutu to remind oneself to have fun, to gain extra support from the spectators, to distract oneself and other runners from the pain, to celebrate being feminine and strong. Holy cow! There are so many reasons someone might choose to wear one. I can’t believe “run faster” was the only one an intelligent publication (I’m assuming here) like SELF could think up.

Furthermore, how about the fact that they only pictured women in tutus running, when it is a well know fact that plenty of men also will don a tutu for a good cause (and just to get a laugh is a plenty good cause in my book!) They also neglect to mention all the other crazy attire runners wear to “run faster”, including but not limited to: colorful knee socks (with or without attached capes), clothes with ruffles, body paint, an occasional speedo, and full on costumes.

What I am basically trying to say here is SELF totally missed the boat. They were so quick to make a joke out of these women that they missed the powerful statement they were making that day. Instead of embracing a opportunity to inspire an encourage their readers with an amazing story of fortitude and perseverance, they completely overlooked what these women had to offer.

Perhaps there is a lesson we can all take home from this. Not everyone wears their scars visibly in this life. Nor do we all flaunt our best attributes. All SELF needed to do was ask these women why they choose to run in super hero costumes and they not only could have avoided this public embarrassment, but also uncovered an inspiring story of just how much a woman can overcome and accomplish (while looking completely adorable in the process).

Don’t be like SELF. Be a woman (or man) who empowers others, not tears them down. And the next time you consider purchasing a tutu, consider supporting Glam Runner. You’ll not only look fabulous, but support a great cause in the process.

Repect the Tutu

Some other posts on #TutuGate

http://fitandfeminist.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/lay-off-the-women-in-running-tutus-and-that-includes-you-self/

http://apeaceofmysole.blogspot.com/2014/03/self.html

http://workouttowineglass.com/2014/03/27/tutugate/

I Believe

“I believe in pink.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.

I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.

I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.

I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles.”

― Audrey Hepburn

Anyone who has seen my wedding dress (or my Netflix instant queue) knows I love me some Audrey Hepburn. I also love her quote above, which got me to thinking about what exactly I believe in. After some careful deliberation, I am here to write it down.

I believe in a world where women are not viewed as the weaker sex. I believe in a nation where equality for women is guaranteed in the constitution. I believe in an economy where women are awarded equal pay for equal work. I believe in a culture where women are valued for their character rather than devalued as sex objects.

I believe in a world free of abuse. I believe that women deserve to be cherished and not beaten by their husbands. I believe that every woman, young and old, has the right to feel safe and beautiful.

I believe it’s time for society to stop blaming victims and start holding perpetrators accountable. I believe it’s time to stop bombarding young men and women with media that says it’s ok to disrespect and objectify women. I believe in empowering young women to fulfill their potential rather than shrink into gender roles; because I believe that every person, regardless of gender, has a right to chase her dreams.

I believe it is not just mine, but every persons responsibility to make it happen.

I believe in women empowering women. I believe it is about time we stand together as a community. I believe that we, as women, have the power to make a change.

I believe in a world where anything is possible. I believe that every victim of violence has an opportunity to see her day in the sun. I believe that every survivor of abuse has more strength and deep resolve than most people could ever understand, and I believe it’s time for each to stop viewing herself as damaged but rather as the resilient and lovely survivor she is. I believe that hardship breeds compassion. I believe that struggle builds resolve. I believe that the most beautiful people are often the ones who have had the most difficult lives. I believe that every survivor of abuse has the strength within her to live her dreams. I believe each of these women has the power to touch the world and make a positive impact. I believe that survivors of abuse are beautiful people with gifts to share with this world.

Where others see weakness, I can see the truth. Low self esteem does not lead to abuse, abuse leads to low self esteem. People who seek out victims to abuse are masterful manipulators who distort the truth in their own minds to justify their behavior. They are incapable of taking responsibility for any of their actions and blame all their problems on other people. When they are in the midst of berating their victims, they do so with absolute conviction. They believe what they are saying to their very core. How many people in this world can tune out and ignore that kind of verbal assault? Not any that I can think of. How about if the person saying it is someone you love, someone you have invested years of a relationship with, someone you were convinced would do anything for you, someone who loved you?

If people who were abusive started the abuse on day 1, how many women do you think would stay? None? That’s because it doesn’t. In my case, it was years before the real assault on my self esteem started, and the physical violence didn’t happen until after we were married. By the time my abuser started needling my self worth, I had a good relationship with him for long enough that I had no reason not to believe him. When he told me I was depressed and bringing him down, I thought he was right. It never occurred to me that the place it was coming from was him resenting me for going to grad school. Over time he took more and more ground until one day I realized that this man I thought we do anything for me, really didn’t care about my feelings at all. Unfortunately for me, that day was my wedding day.

Yes he still loved me, but his love came with conditions: conditions and standards no person could live up to. How do you please someone who is hell bent on making you a scape goat for every problem in his life?

No woman, man, or child deserves that. No one deserves to be another person’s punching bag. Victims of abuse don’t actively seek out the abuse, and they aren’t the problem. The problem stems from individuals to weak to take responsibility for their own issues. Society needs to understand that women don’t choose to be with abusers, and they don’t choose to stay. Instead, they are systematically cut off from their families, friends, jobs, and finances. They are blocked from any possible means of escape or ties to their identity. So before any member of society picks up another finger to point at a victim of abuse and say she deserved it, I would challenge him or her to go ahead and spend years isolated from their loved ones with someone regularly telling them how worthless they and then see if they have the same strength and conviction to leave when things get violent.

Domestic Violence Awareness is something I am passionate about. So passionate in fact, that I have run a half marathon, full marathon, the Spartan Ultra Beast, and now the Bimbler’s Bluff 50K all in an effort to raise money and awareness… not to mention inspire other survivors of abuse to go chase their dreams! However I didn’t choose this cause. Abuse is something that happened to me, and while it dramatically affected the person I am today, it does not define me. It’s also something I refuse to be ashamed of. If anyone should be ashamed it’s my abuser, and perhaps the officer who took it upon himself to attempt to publicly ridicule me for reporting the abuse… and all the people who pointed out to me that I must be at least partially responsible “because it takes two” after all.

If one in four women are abused in their lifetime, someone please explain to me how so many of us are getting it wrong? Better yet, explain to me why we are all so ashamed of it? Perhaps, because society thinks we should be. However, I am here to point my finger back at society and say SHAME ON YOU! Shame on you for telling my abuser and people like him that it’s ok to beat your wife. Shame on you for turning a blind eye when so many people, including children, are dying at the hands of domestic violence. One in five teenagers has been threatened or beaten by a boyfriend- TEENAGEERS! Those are your daughters people! While I’m sure it’s easier to blame people like me for what’s happened to us, it’s about time you start caring because the statistics show someone you love has already been affected.

So while you are being drowned in Pink for Breast Cancer Awareness this month, maybe you can take a minute or two to reflect on how you can help put an end to domestic violence. After all, what does it say about us as a society really when we make a huge fuss about women dying from breast cancer, but are indifferent when they die at the hands of their husbands? How can we care about one and not the other and still say we care about women? Yes, breast cancer is awful, disfiguring, and life threatening, and raising awareness is important; but domestic violence is also awful, disfiguring, and life threatening, and it affects twice as many women. Why are we not as focused on educating young women on the early signs of abuse as we are on mammograms?

I don’t expect the rest of the world to care as much about domestic violence as I do. Nor do I expect them to understand where I’m coming from or what it’s like to be abused. However it is my sincere hope that I can get some people to at least change the way the think about abuse and maybe, just maybe, open some dialogue. Domestic Violence is no less preventable than late stage breast cancer. What we need is to educate our society and children. We need to value women as equal members of society, and we need to support victims of violence. It’s time to end the stigma.