Pregnant or Just Crazy?

“Have i gone mad?

I’m afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usually are.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland



For the record, this may be the only thing I accomplish today (other than my leg workout with the trainer, vacuuming, and napping).  It’s a far cry from my grandiose plans for the day: workout with the trainer, swim, bike, run, clean the house, fit in time with the husband and the family, and of course establish a plan for Thriver World Domination world peace…  Instead I came back from the gym at 9 am and curled back into bed.  At noon I ate lunch and dragged myself to the couch.  It was truly a sad display.  For the umpteenth time in the past 3 weeks, I am too dizzy and nauseated to function… let alone change the world.  Unlike the past few weeks, today I was too dizzy to even stand up straight- just sitting still the room spins.  It pretty much sucks.  


Which leads me to why I am going crazy…

For the past several weeks, I have been crampy, bloated, having random bouts of nausea and dizziness (primarily in the morning or if I wait too long to eat), extreme fatigue (ie. sleeping half the day), and heartburn … wtf is up with that? I’ve NEVER had heartburn in my life!  Did I mention I am also 2 weeks late?

So I took a pregnancy test… twice… several days apart.  They were both negative.  That means either a) It’s too early for a cheap test to read positive or b) I am totally going crazy because I have been having pregnancy symptoms for a solid 3 weeks…  It’s also possible that I have some other weird medical ailment like a brain tumor causing my symptoms, but that’s far less likely than the first two, right?

This morning at the gym, I was really making the trainer nervous because he could see how hard I was struggling to keep the room in focus.  Yesterday after swim class I was so dizzy and lightheaded I thought I was going to pass out on my way out and was terrified to drive home.  The nausea alone has become so bad that one of my coworkers wrote me a prescription for zofran yesterday.  Today my mother showed up with sea bands and medication for vertigo.  

Of course I still feel like crap.  If I am not pregnant, then I think I am legitimately going crazy.  I know I’m not over training because I have been taking rest days and if anything scaled back some.  I also have been eating more and staying hydrated.  I feel like if it was my body adjusting to being off birth control then this would have started months ago.  So basically pregnant and crazy are the only two viable options left in my mind.  My mother wants we to have a blood test drawn, but my new insurance sucks and I don’t want my PCP to think I’m a lunatic if it’s negative.

In the meantime, I am super frustrated about being incapacitated so frequently.  I am not someone who gets sick frequently.  I’m also not someone who can handle doing nothing or skipping workouts (I know, another shocking admission!).  I am used to living life a million miles and hour and getting nine hundred tasks accomplished a day.  This is so beyond unacceptable in my book.  I have things to do people!  This world isn’t going to just save itself!

Maybe with all my newfound time on the couch I can at least get started on that book… 

PS. I got promoted a lane in swim class again… primarily due to the fact that we were crammed into 2 lanes instead of 3 or 4.  On the bright side, I survived! Take that Mystery Illness!


San Diego Bound!

“To move, to breathe, to fly, to float. To gain while you give.

To roam the roads of lands remote. To travel is to live.”

~ Hans Christian Andersen


Good Morning Friends!

Today the hubs and I off off to San Diego for our first real vacation as a married couple!  Before we head off for the airport, I figured I’d give you a quick update on our Get Fit Challenge.  My last few weigh ins I have been hovering between 140.3 and 140.4, so I’m continuing to hold strong.  The hubs is also holding at 199 (and some change) and is ecstatic to be under 200.  Our challenge for the week consisted of completing 3 deck of card workouts.  

Here is what this evil challenge entailed:



Okay it would not have been so bad, except our trainer (who happens to be the one thinking up these challenges), made the hubs and I substitute jumping squats and lunges for the regular ones…  Add in that I ran over 6 miles before we started and you can see why the leg one especially sucked.  It’s sad when jumping squats are the easiest part of a workout!  The hardest part was fitting in 3 extra cross training workouts into my already overly busy workout schedule. After all, there is only so much training you can do in a week when you only have 4 days to do it in!

Regardless of the suck, the hubs and I both completed this challenge in its entirety.  In addition to our challenge workouts, we also did our two sessions with the trainer, and I logged another 16 miles of running (that’s 73/500 miles) and swam 1.25 (all at once! go me!).  Not too bad considering I worked a full week and lost a day for traveling. 🙂

Since I have been making progress on my swimming and struggling with keeping track of what lap I’m on, I splurged and bought myself a Garmin Swim for my birthday. I also did finally set a goal of swimming 50 miles by the end of the year, which should be totally doable for me.  The nice thing about the Garmin Swim is it not only counts laps, but also gives you an efficiency score like a GOLF score.  Hopefully it will help me continue to improve now that I’m on my own and done with classes.  I have also been reading up on swimming and training recommendations. (Shocking, I know!)  In fact, my in flight book for today will be Triathlon For Every Woman by Swim Bike Mom.   BTW if you don’t read her blog, you probably should because she is awesome and totally inspiring.  She also has a Facebook page with her own brand of fitspo images. 

Since we will be on vacation in sunny San Diego, I am hoping to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and finally get some use out of my fancy new GPS watch. I will keep you all posted on how that goes. Of course the thing I am looking forward to most is just getting to spend time with the hubs. 🙂

That is all for now my loves!

Have a fantastic weekend!


Why I have the Best Husband Ever

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,

while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
-Lao Tzu 



Before I get into details of why I have the best husband ever, I should probably update you all on how the Fitness Challenge is going.  Our last weigh in I came in at 140.3 lbs.  I have been pretty much hovering in a 2 lb swing between 140 and 142, and that is totally ok with me.   The hubs was down to 200.3, which is over 10 lbs down from where he started.  I am so proud of him! He has been super committed to getting fitter, and his dedication is paying off.  Not that I really thought he needed to lose weight, but if he is happy then I am happy.  Plus, he has been much more energetic and upbeat since he started eating better and working out more regularly which is a Imagetotal bonus for me!  🙂

Our challenge this week was to attend a session of boot camp.  Since I was working for every other session, Thursday was the day for me.  The hubs decided he would rather go together than on his own, so he came too.  The workout consisted of a lot of sprints (yuck!) with various other exercises mixed in (butt kicks, side shuffles, planks, calf raises, walking lunges, and wall sits…).  For some reason my legs were really fried, which sort of surprised me after not having done a leg work out in several days.  I chalked it up to doubling up on legs last week and not adequately recovering due to working so much and not sleeping enough.  We both made it through the workout without any issue; however, when I was still hurting the following day, I decided to take a rest day to try and combat all the soreness and general fatigue.  Despite the reprieve, my legs were still feeling tweaky the following morning.  That lead to a modified workout with the trainer, which was a total bummer… especially when Adam got to do the real workout.  I did at least get in some spin and time on the bike trainer though (I still hate the trainer btw).

That leads me to why my husband is so great.  I never imagined falling for someone who could be so quietly supportive.  Sure he’s not ever going to be the type of guy to show up with signs or a cowbell at a race, or shout his love for me to the masses.  However, he is the kind of guy who will run a race with me when I’m not sure I can finish it… even if he hasn’t trained and my pace is painfully slow for him.  He’s the type to come to the pool with me because he knows that swimming makes me anxious.  He’s the kind of guy who, when I bought him the fancy GPS he was drooling over for his bike, bought an extra mount for mine so I could use it too.  He also regularly goes out of his way to get me thoughtful gifts to encourage me to train, like the heart rate and cadence monitors (to go with the fancy GPS) so I can track my mileage on the aforementioned bike trainer.  That’s in addition to setting it up for me every time I want to use it because he knows I am too technology impaired to figure it out for myself.  He even goes out of his way to set my Imagebike up in the trainer (even though that I can actually handle myself) every time I use it just to let me know he cares… or maybe he’s afraid I’ll break it… jk

In all seriousness though, he has been beyond patient when it comes to anything to do with cycling- from the numerous trips to bike shops, to the agonizing over which bike to pick, to driving to Mass to get the bike I initially fell in love with, to making sure I had a flat repair kit and kick ass girlie water bottles.  Beyond that, he made a huge effort to find the most scenic and beginner friendly cycling routes in the area to help alleviate my fear of riding.  He even got me a Tough Chik chick gift card for Christmas so I could buy the bike apparel I’d been eyeing in an effort to encourage me to stick with it.

When it came to my birthday this year, he literally could not wait to give me the gift he picked out.  It’s still 9 days before my birthday, yet I am now the owner of a Garmin Forerunner GPS watch.  He was so excited to explain all the features.  I felt a little badly because I think he expected me to get as pumped as he was about it.  However, I will be the first to admit that I am not, by far, a gadget person.  I do use Runkeeper on my phone when I run, but I usually throw it in my hydration pack and use it mainly to track mileage.  I am not someone who ever had any interest in a GPS watch (other than maybe for swimming because I suck at counting laps); however, the hubs is a master at purchasing gifts.  He specifically picked one that pairs with my heart rate monitor, so I can get a more accurate measure of how many calories I burn and how hard I’m working.  I am sure I will be more excited about it once I get the hang of using it.  Luckily, I know a cute guy whose willing to help me figure it out. 😉

I know there are a lot of ladies out there who love when their men get them expensive jewelry or designer handbags, but I prefer a good pair of running shoes.  Lucky for me, I have a guy who gets it.  Just about every favorite piece of gear I’ve had from winter apparel to hiking boots and gadgets has been carefully selected by the man of my dreams.  The hubs has a special gift for getting me things I never thought I’d want or need yet now I can’t imagine living without.  More than that, he’s the type of person who put together a 10 hr playlist for my first 50K just to make my run suck a little less.  

When I was with my abuser, I was convinced that he would have done anything for me if I just asked… After the wedding fiasco, we all know just how wrong that was.  The hubs, on the other hand, truly would do anything for me.  He enjoys helping and finding ways to make me happy.  While I’m a firm believer that everyone deserves back what they are willing to put into a relationship, I’m not sure I ever thought I’d be lucky enough to find that person.  Now I feel blessed to know I have. 

I’m Sexy and I Know It

A great figure or physique is nice, but it’s self-confidence that makes someone really sexy.
Vivica Fox 

Ok fellow thrivers, I told you all I would keep you updated on my progress with the Get Fit Challenge, and that is what I am here to do!  Today was our second weigh in.  The Hubs is down 8 lbs and I am down 4 lbs (to 140) from last week.  I think most of it is primary due to water weight, especially given we both ran for an hour beforehand.  However, I am pretty sure that it’s reflective of some progress.  I have to admit that I have not been particularly focused on losing weight.  I have been focused on eating healthier.  I gave up caffeine (including Diet Coke!… *tear) and have been trying to avoid processed foods and refined sugars.  Instead, I’m getting in more protein and fresh produce.  I have to say it’s a lot easier to eat “clean” with the hubs on the same page.  He bought a juicer and is also on a healthy eating kick.

ImageI certainly don’t feel any different yet. Nor do I think I look any different, but then I was never worried about changing my appearance.  I don’t think a number on a scale is an accurate measure of health for me anyway.  Most people are shocked to hear how much I weigh because I apparently don’t look 140 lbs (not sure exactly what 140 lbs is supposed to look like, but I guess it’s not petite).  What can I say? I’m dense… literally.  I worked hard for all that muscle, so I’m not about to sweat if my BMI doesn’t coincide with my fitness level.  

More importantly that number on the scale does reflective what my body can do.  I ran my first 50 K at my heaviest weight ever, which happens to be my current weight.  At the time, I was working out with a trainer 3 days a week AND running, cycling, and training on my own.  I don’t think my body could have carried me through that kind of terrain and mileage without gaining muscle mass and strength.  Plus, I truly believe all that cross training kept me injury free.  My point is, I can do things with my body now that I couldn’t do when I was “thinner” and lighter.  I can do chin ups, knee tucks while balancing on medicine balls, and workouts my trainer’s other clients can handle.  Why? Because I have MUSCLES and I WORK HARD.  Furthermore, I am proud of what my body can do.  Every achievement is a testament to the amount of effort I’ve put in, from hours at the gym to what I put in my mouth.

I don’t need to be the fittest, hottest, or most attractive girl out there.  I just need to know that I am doing my best.  I am not working out to be sexy.  I already am sexy- whether I’m 120 lbs or 150 lbs!  I am sexy because I am driven, passionate, and know who I am.  To me, self confidence is sexy.  Pushing limits, working up a sweat, and being willing to roll up your sleeves and get dirty is sexy.  

Sexy is like happiness.  It doesn’t come from someone else.  You don’t need anyone else to make you feel sexy.  It doesn’t come from skin baring photos and likes and comments on Facebook.  It’s something that comes from within, and it comes with self love and self acceptance.  People who have it don’t need to flaunt it; rather, it emanates from within them.  It’s in their smile and their walk.  It’s in the way they treat other people.  

Let me tell you all a secret.  While I may be “thin” and able to fit in a zero or size 2 (dress, for sure not pants!) I still have stretch marks, cellulite, love handles, and rolls when I sit.  Want to know another secret? I am ok with it.  Most women do.  Sure, I could concentrate on getting thinner, but that wouldn’t help the stretch marks or cellulite; and frankly, my hip bones stick out enough.  These are not things that detract from beauty.  These “flaws” are part of who I am and a body that has achieved more psychically than I ever thought possible.  What’s more, when I mentioned my stretch marks the other day to my husband he seemed genuinely surprised and said he never even noticed.  So maybe, just maybe, we ladies can be a little too hard on ourselves.


Me on my bike trainer… pretty sexy, right?

Sure I have days when I feel like “a busted can of biscuits” or just unattractive in general, but then I go for a run or get in a workout.  It never fails that within minutes that feeling vanishes… not because I’m “fixing the problem,” but rather because I’m changing my perspective.  What do I care about waking up bloated if I can still run over 30 miles or dead lift my body weight?  

Today, for example, I ran 7 miles in under an hour, completed the workout of the month at the gym (10 pushups, 20 knee tucks, 30 sec plank, 20 knee tucks, 10 pushups twice through all with feet in the TRX), and did an hour on the bike trainer.  How could I hate my body after all of that?

As someone who started this blog as a way to advocate for and inspire women, I want to do more than just encourage women (and men) to go out and chase after their dreams.  I want to let them know they are beautiful, clever, lovable, and sexy.  I want to demonstrate that these are qualities we need to find and appreciate in ourselves before we expect anyone else to.  Every person has his or her own unique mystique and quirks.  Instead of trying to conform to other peoples’ expectations of how to look and behave, we should all spend our energy on accepting ourselves and celebrating our individuality.  Furthermore, we should love our bodies for what they allow us to do rather than pick apart all the parts we don’t like.  Instead of viewing ourselves as having this or that flaw, let’s all embrace the total package.  

After all, you are a pretty amazing human being. 🙂

Repeat after me: I am sexy!    

Now say it and mean it!

PS. That is my new Tough Chik tank in the photo!  YEA!!!! I got my gear 🙂  Still need to spend that gift card though.  Hang Tough Thrivers!!!!