positivity

“That’s my gift. I let that negativity roll off me like water off a duck’s back.

If it’s not positive, I didn’t hear it.

If you can overcome that, fights are easy.”

-George Foreman

Generally speaking, positivity is my baseline state of existence (possibly related to all the exercise associated endorphins). However, I have noticed recently that there are some people in my life who are extremely annoyed by it and working hard to drag me down.

Specifically, I believe these people are threatened and dismayed by my refusal to get sucked into their negativity and drama (or by my overwhelming awesomeness…. jury is still out j/k) In all seriousness, I have been making a very concerted effort to avoid negative thinking or speaking because it just ends up making me feel bad; and frankly, I’m just not a gossipy, mean spirited person. I think everyone gets fed up to the point of complaining (including me), but I really try to reel myself in and cut it off. Having struggled so hard to gain happiness back after trauma, I’m just not willing to risk engaging in anything that’s going pull me back down to that dark place.

Of course, this has not been going over well with certain individuals, and there’s been several comments made involving how I think I’m better than them and just love everybody- including people they dislike immensely. Realistically, there are a lot of people I can’t stand and happen to interact with on a regular basis. However, I still treat them pleasantly because it’s a reflection of who I am -not what I think of them, and no, it’s not fake. I don’t think not liking someone is an acceptable excuse to trash him/her and be disrespectful. Bottom line: talking sh*t about other people and treating them like dirt (even if it seems justified) only makes you look bad and wastes a lot of energy. I don’t have time for that kind of negativity. It has nothing to do with thinking I’m better than you. It has EVERYTHING to do with preserving my own sanity.

The thing that has really been bugging me recently, though, is the constant barrage criticism directed at me. Most annoying are the comments involving what I eat. Since I started training for the Hartford marathon and working out a lot harder several months ago, I have been needing to eat every 2-3 hrs or I get light headed and develop a terrible headache. It’s not like I’m pigging out on garbage (or even eating a lot in one sitting)- however one individual in particular feels the need to point out how many calories are in everything I eat and why he has a problem with me eating it (and no, I didn’t ask for his nutrition advice). He even told me yesterday “I hate you. You eat ALL THE TIME and you’re still so skinny.” Seriously???? Would you like to come work out with me? Maybe you should try burning 4000 calories in a single run and then come back and tell me what I should or shouldn’t be eating. I don’t smoke, I don’t use drugs, I RARELY drink, I work out multiple times a day, and have even given up diet soda (tear… 😦) and someone has the nerve to tell me I eat too much and he hates me for not gaining weight. Someone please pinch me because I am living in an alternate universe where people suddenly feel they have the right to monitor what I’m putting in my mouth and give me an attitude about it. I didn’t get thin and in shape by accident or luck. I BUST MY ASS to look like this, so until you are willing to do the same, back off!

Also, if I am eating a soup (small soup for that matter…it was brocolli in case you’re curious) from Au Bon Pain, don’t come tell me what a waste of money it was and how I should bring my food from home. I am well aware of how much I paid for it. I don’t bug you every time you buy a coffee. Yes, I paid $6 for a cup of soup and piece of corn bread- now let me enjoy it in peace. It was worth the $6 to me to get a little happiness from a cup of soup after busting my ass all day and now you’re giving me attitude about it. Despite what you may think you are not “doing [me] a favor”, you’re actually irritating me. I don’t keep track of what you do with your money, please grant me the same respect.

Soooooo…. as you may have guessed yesterday was a stressful day at work. Instead of burying myself in a bottle of wine or bag of name-your-junk food when I got home, I did the first Insanity workout.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I managed to not blow up at any of the people getting on my nerves. I did, however, point out to the food police (the soup thing was actually a different person) that if he stop drinking like a fish and worked out, he might find he’d lose the weight he wanted. Just for the record, I actually do like the food police (he does, in fact, have many good qualities); he just has a way of taking out his own insecurities on other people. I feel like I am much better at dealing with this behavior than I used to be, and a lot of it comes from just being more secure in myself. That being said, he still irritated the H-E- double hockey sticks out of me yesterday.

Normally, I try to keep my posts pretty positive- but I’m human, and this was something that really bugged me. Being an individual who tends to mind my own business, I can’t comprehend how a person can get so up in other peoples’ business and feel like they have the authority to tell them how they should be living their lives.

I’m sorry to disappoint everyone who has an opinion about how much I work out, my eating habits, my relationship with Adam, or anything else going on in my life; but I am going to continue following my own heart and doing what’s best for me. If I screw up, then it’s my lesson to learn. If I get hurt, I’ll deal with the consequences. From now on, if you truly want to be a part of my life, try keeping your negative comments to yourself- as frequently your “constructive critism” is really just critism and not constructive at all. I’m a good person, I treat other people with respect, I take care or my body, I’m responsible, I volunteer, and I’m happy with my life. I think I’ve been managing okay on my own. I’m not going to stop being who I am because it threatens or offends you. Let me be me.

And don’t step on my sunshine…