Running

Getting Back in the Saddle

“One thing that cycling has taught me

is that if you can achieve something without a struggle

it’s not going to be satisfying.”

-Greg LeMond

Hello Everyone!

I have more exciting news for you all! Yesterday the hubs and I went out for my first official outdoor ride of the season, and I survived! In fact, I did better than just survive. I actually did well! No one was more surprised by this than me. I think the hubs was secretly impressed, but he hid it well. I was so happy because I had been terrified of tipping over repeatedly and getting covered in road rash and chain bites. However, as soon as I hopped on it all came back to me.

I immediately remembered how to use my gears, which was a big fear of mine. I also did MUCH BETTER at balancing than the last time I rode the bike path. This was likely related to all the practice I have had in spin and on the trainer with relaxing- especially my shoulders, which I have a bad habit of keeping by my ears. It’s amazing how much straighter and more smoothly the bike rides when you aren’t holding it with a death grip… go figure!

I purposely picked the Cheshire Bike Path (as opposed Lake Waramaug which involves minimal dismounting) so that I would have LOTS of practice unclipping and riding through the lane dividers (aka THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE) at the intersections. I also thought the good vibes from PR’ing on the bike path on Sunday might carry over and help calm my nerves.

The hubs spent some time with me teaching me how to coast while balancing on one foot. He thought it would help me with dismounting at the intersections, which it did- thankfully! Normally, I have a lot of trouble coming forward off my seat when I dismount, so instead I end up trying to balance on the toes of my unclipped foot. This generally leads to toppling over at long lights… hence the reason I avoid city riding altogether. Well that and being a general hazard on the road…

That being said, now that I have conquered swimming, I REALLY want to learn to ride my bike like a ~~big girl~~ real cyclist. Unfortunately, that means getting comfortable with stopping and starting. I keep telling myself that if I was able to go from not being able to swim ~~properly~~ at all, and being completely anxious about even getting in the water, then I can conquer cycling too.

Furthermore, I don’t want to settle for just being competent at it, I want to get proficient at it. Of all the legs of triathlon, you spend the most time on the bike. It only makes sense to put energy into becoming the best cyclist I can be. Getting over my fear of ~~seriously maiming myself~~ riding is a necessary evil. When I took on swimming, I knew it was essential to achieving my goal of one day finishing an Ironman. As much as I was absolutely terrified, I was also determined.

Start by doing what’s necessary;

then do what’s possible;

and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

Francis of Assisi

I have never been one to give up on something simply out of fear. To me, that’s just not a good enough reason. I don’t ever want to say I didn’t go after something I truly wanted because I was too scared to give my all. I would rather try and fail. That is what got me through the swimming. I was convinced if I could just stick with it that I could do it. I HAD to do it. I didn’t consider the fact that I still wasn’t comfortable on my bike. All I focused on was the task at hand.

Now I am approaching my bike with the same determination. There is no room for fear. It is now or never. I have a roughly 6 week window to get really comfortable on my bike before the REV 3 Half Ironman, and I want to be there. I know in my heart I can cover the distance. I have it in me to do it. If I don’t do it now, I don’t know when I will have another chance. I have already invested over 6 months of training. I have learned to swim and spent countless hours running, spinning, cycling, swimming, and cross training in preparation.

That is why I know I will get the hang of this bike, and why I am so thrilled to have survived my first ride unscathed. I am lucky to have the hubs to back me up. He loves cycling the way I love running, so if anyone can help me get to where I need to be it’s him.

Oh and since our ride went so well (we did close to 20 miles at a “good pace”- according to the hubs) I signed up for a duathlon this weekend. I figured it may be my only chance to practice transition before June. Plus, it will give me a feel for riding my bike in an actual race. The hubs says I am ready, so I am going to trust him. It’s only a 14 mile bike ride, but it’s in downtown Waterbury. I’m a little nervous about the city riding; but I have been doing well with dismounting so I should be ok.

Good thing I’ll have my Tough Chik gear! I swear it gives me super powers that keep me upright! Maybe it’s just the extra boost of confidence that comes with wearing the logo “This is what Tough Looks Like”.

What adventures are you all taking on this week?

Life as a Whirlwind

“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder.

We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.”

-Frederick Douglass

Holy Chaos! It has been a SUPER busy week over here! I thought it was about time to update you on all the exciting things this very busy Chik has been up to! FYI: You may want to grab a snack before you start reading. This is going to be a looong post… but don’t worry, I added lots of pictures to keep you entertained. You’re welcome!

I figured last week would be EPIC given that I ended the previous one with an Ultra, and it started with the Boston Marathon! I also expected it to be busy, but I never could have guessed how much I’d get accomplished.

For starters, I only worked two shifts because I have been ~~working like a slave~~ helping my parents move. My brother and I loaded and unloaded THREE moving trucks of furniture, boxes, tools, and household items. It took a full two days (of working almost 18 hours a day) to get the trucks filled and unloaded. Then another whole day to get the house unpacked enough to be livable… Plus, that’s not even mentioning how many car loads I have brought over and by car I actually mean my Subaru Crosstrek and my husband’s truck. Why yes, I do have other siblings. Um no, they didn’t help. My younger sister is a teenager, so her idea of helping consisted of inviting a friend over and throwing her stuff all over her new room… mostly on the floor. My older sister is contending with my niece who just learned to walk… and by walk I mean run (her daughter takes after me more than her… she is in sooo much trouble…) So it was basically my brother and I with some help from the hubs when he wasn’t working.

That being said, my mom is super thrilled with their new place, and that is all that matters!

So obviously given that I had just done a 50K and spent three days hauling boxes and moving furniture, it seemed like a really good idea to sign up for a half marathon. Okay, it actually seemed like a really bad idea, even to me, but I have run the Cheshire Half it’s first two years. I really love that race! I want to be one of those 80 year old ladies who they announce has run it every year since it started. Besides, I figured if I didn’t run it, I would just be super cranky when all my friends were posting pictures about what a great day they had. So really, I did it for the hubs so he wouldn’t have a crabby wife. I’m selfless like that.

I went into the race not really expecting much of myself. I knew I had logged some serious mileage at the Ultra and my IT bands were still wound up tight. Plus, it was super windy, so I expected that to really slow me down. Much to my pleasure, I found my friend Lu, who had also ducked inside to escape the cold, before the start. We both considered this a stroke of luck given the number of runners and took it as a positive sign for the day. We chatted a bit, mostly about running- big surprise there! He said his goal was a sub 1:50, and I told him I would be happy to break 2 hours. We both agreed that given the conditions, we didn’t have high expectations. Like me, though, Lu loves the Cheshire Half and didn’t want to miss it. Also like me, Lu runs for the joy of running. He’s not out there to compete with anyone but himself. He is really just a kind soul and a joy to be around.

Not long after running into each other, we found the rest of the boot camp crew. Seeing all of them made me seriously consider rejoining! They are such a great bunch of people. They were also super excited about the Half, and many of them were doing it for the first time. I felt very blessed to have found all my friends before the race! It was a definite boost because they are all so positive and inspiring.

In another stroke of luck, the sun came out and warmed us up a little at the start. The weather actually turned out to be PERFECT. It was overcast, cool, and there was a nice breeze instead of the strong winds when we arrived. Lu and I began together after losing the rest of the group walking to the start, and he left me in the dust in no time! My first few miles were a little rocky. I mentally prepared myself for a grueling 2 hours. However, after the first 5K I started settling in and felt okay. By mile 6, I was even feeling strong! Strangely, the longer the race went on, the better I felt.

The course, for the most part, is a flat one; and most of it runs through a tree lined bike path (part of the reason I like it, I am all about the trees). For the first several miles of the race I had to fight the urge to push myself harder as everyone passed me. Instead, I spent the entire race focusing on my form and zoning out with my ipod. The hubs had picked and loaded all the music for my first Ultra, so it made me smile to listen to his selections. He even put our wedding song on it! Who knew he could be so romantic?

Conserving my energy paid off because the few hills on the course came up between miles 8 and 10. All those people who passed me on the flats started to drop behind me when we hit them. My legs were tired, but they still felt good. I figured my pace was steady because the miles were still going by quickly, and I was passing people instead of getting passed. I also knew where the worst hill on the course was, and once I was over it I told myself I was in the home stretch. I was excited because I knew I would have a strong finish. I had also been running at a good pace the whole way and felt so good that I thought I might PR.

I hadn’t looked at my watch once. I didn’t want to psych myself out or get over confident. Instead I wanted to focus on running at a comfortable pace. I didn’t want to push my body to the point of feeling sick. I also didn’t want to push too hard after having just done an ultra. Mostly, I was just in awe of how strong I felt after what I had put my body through last weekend. I silently thanked my body and reveled in how far it exceeded my wildest expectations.

I ran those last few miles hard because I knew I could. I felt great! Yes I was tired, but I also knew deep down that this was the best I had ever done running a Half Marathon. I wasn’t sick or hurting or hating life. I enjoyed almost the entire thing! When I hit mile 12, the clock read 1:45!!! My first thought was that if I was at this time at mile 12, then Lu must be finished. He absolutely must have met his goal! I did a little happy dance for him in my head. Then I realized “HOLY $HIT! I AM GOING TO PR!” I knew there was a possibility that the clock was wrong, but I just felt too good for that to be the case.

Despite the fact that it was still cold out, I stripped off my long sleeve shirt, so I could sport my Team Tough Chik jersey that last mile. I wanted to represent my fellow Toughies out there! They are all so inspiring, and I am beyond proud (and BLESSED!) to be one of them. I wanted to have that shirt visible when I crossed the line. It was a magical moment. I almost cried. The clock read 1:55. It was the fastest Half Marathon I have ever run, and I did it one week after running an Ultra (and two weeks after my first #1 in my age group). Holy-Freaking-Epic! I still can’t believe it!

The funny thing is, my last PR for a half was at the Hartford Half Marathon 2 weeks after my DNF at the Ultra Beast. Apparently Ultras agree with me. Perhaps I should do one before every half…

Oh and as if that were not enough #EPIC news, I also got this email:

That’s right! I am now an official Sweat Pink Ambassador!!!! Take that Fitfuential! At least someone appreciates my awesomeness. Just wait until I’m famous and the AWESOME-train has left the station without you. lol

But wait! There’s more! I also had a CT-ALIVE board meeting, and our program director Susan Omilian (the woman who changed my life after the abuse) has asked me whether I would be willing to become co-vice president of the board. Pretty exciting stuff! Either she appreciates all my enthusiasm, or she has not actually read this blog and doesn’t realize what a raving lunatic I am.

Anyway, I was telling her about my mad graphic designing skillz (that is an intentional typo btw, because I’m all ghetto with my mad skillzzzz) now that I have discovered picmonkey.com. She was so impressed that she gave me my first job as a graphic designer… minus the getting paid and it actually being a job part. Actually, I’m just doing her a favor and making uber cool graphics with some of her quotes. I already sent her a bunch, and she was pretty pleased. I consider this high praise because Susan is an even bigger perfectionist than I am. Here is one of my favorites:

If you are interested at all in the concept of thriving, you should totally check out her website. I cannot say enough about how wonderful and helpful her workshops were! Plus, if you don’t live in the area, she has a Thriver Workbook that you can do on your own at home. I know it sounds a little cheesy to do a self help workbook as an adult, but I have bought one for my mom, and she loves it. In fact, I have actually bought a few for other women as well, because I really believe not only in her book, but in empowering other women to live happy, fulfilling lives.

That is all for now my lovelies! I hope you are all off to a great week! What did you all accomplish this weekend? I would love to hear about it!

Boston Strong

“Every serious marathoner should do Boston,

to experience the close to a million spectators,

the three generations of families out cheering,

the little kids handing you water or orange slices.

The whole city really appreciates the runners.”
-Neil Weygandt

I am not sure what being a “serious” marathoner entails, but I do know that I am seriously into running! Perhaps that is why I was glued to my twitter feed all morning (in between entering orders and caring for patients) drinking up every ounce of information as if I had been stranded on a dessert island with no other source of sustenance. Truthfully, I was rooting for Shalane Flanagan more than any other runner out there. It was clear how badly she wanted it… Plus, I am a sucker for a hometown hero. Add to that the fact that she is no taller than I am and a totally bad ass lady; and you can start to understand why this women has won my support.

If not, watch this:

Hello! She is wearing a polka dot jacket and she compared running to church… clearly we were separated at birth and I just happened to miss out on the super athletic genes.

Okay, now that we are on the same page… Let’s talk about why I am obsessed with the Boston Marathon. For starters, Boston is the brass ring of the marathon and distance running community. It’s a goal that so many people dream about. The amount of blood, sweat, tears, and months to years of preparation and training it takes is unlike any other marathon. The time qualifiers are so competitive that I will easily be in my 60s before I qualify by their standard, and that is only if that don’t up the qualifiers by then!

Boston is not a race you run on a whim. It’s a race you pine and dream about. Every runner in that race has earned a spot there; and before you point out that there are plenty of people who get in by fundraising for charity- I would like to just invite you to take a look at the minimal fundraising requirements to get in. When you find a cheap one, you let me know. Point being every runner out there deserves every bit of support from the crowd.

I have always been a fan of Boston; however, after last year’s marathon it has become even more significant. The tragedy that happened last year shined a national spotlight on the marathon and running community. It carried marathon running into the mainstream more than it ever had been. It inspired more people than ever to want to run a marathon and to want to run Boston. It brought the spectators and runners together. It drew people who never had interest in running into the sport (yes, it is a sport). The Boston bombing didn’t scare anyone away from the Boston Marathon, rather it attracted them in droves.

Why? Because it was a tremendous display of community and indomitable strength. The aftermath of the explosion was filled the city with terror, but even more so it was filled with courage, selflessness, charity, goodwill, empathy, and compassion. All the best parts of human character showed through more luminous than any damage those terrorists could have inflicted. People risked their lives to help complete strangers. Runners continued (after running the full marathon) to the hospitals to donate blood. Finishers gave up their medals to those individuals who were stopped short of their goal. The whole nation rallied in support.

The Boston Marathon was not defeated, rather it became an even greater symbol of resilience. It brought Patriots Day from a little know local holiday into national consciousness. Perhaps, the next step should be to declare it a National Holiday, and we could all celebrate the Marathon together… Should anyone decide to start that petition please let me know!

In the meantime, I showed my support in the best way I knew how. I started by joining the 118 For Boston Movement and logging all my mileage with the tag #118ForBoston in RunKeeper. If I can’t run Boston in person, then at least I can run miles for Boston! In case you were wondering, I included the #118ForBoston tag on my Ultra mileage on Saturday as well. It was my last official contribution before the race this morning. I also wore my race shirt and sneakers in support of Marathon Monday as well! My newest shirt addition from the Traprock Ultra just happens to be Boston Marathon colors, and super awesome to boot. I think it may be my favorite race shirt yet! I am pretty sure I am the only person who dressed in support of the marathon today at work, but I just assume that’s because everyone is living under a rock…

Luckily for me, my coworkers were pretty tolerant of my exuberance about the race. They even humored me with feigned interest when I rattled off the standings every 15-20 minutes. I was sad that Shalane didn’t win, but happy for her that she ran the first half faster than the course record and got a PR. I was also pumped that Rita broke the course record with a time of 2:18:57. The women totally rocked that race!!!! Way to represent ladies!!!! I think I even heard that Rita ran a 4:47 split at mile 24 which was one of the fastest splits for any of the racers- male or female. By the time they announced Meb as the male winner, I think I was ready to jump out of my skin with excitement…. luckily this coincided with my lunch break.

So after spending my morning finally fully recognizing just how useful (and what a God-send for those of us stuck at work with no TV!) twitter can be, I texted the hubs to share my enthusiasm about the results. Can you believe he didn’t know what I was talking about? And he is a runner? Before questioning how we are married, I decided that he must have just woken up. Obviously, if he had been awake, he would have been equally as captivated by the days events… like every other runner on the planet… hello!

Poor hubs… He had no idea what he was getting himself into when he met me. And to think he once made a comment about his ex-fiance not being a “real” runner because she “only ran half marathons” (Pfff as if there were such a thing as fake runners… At the time we weren’t even officially dating and I don’t think I had ever run more than 8 or 10 miles). Oh hubs, how many times have you had to eat those words in the past 3+ years…

What did you all do to show your support for the Boston Marathon today?

Just a little more inspiration for you…

You can also see her dance again and learn about the technology here

Congrats to all the Boston Marathon Finishers!!!!!

I EAT MILES FOR BREAKFAST (TRAPROCK RECAP)

“Run often. Run long. But never outrun your joy of running.”
-Julie Isphording

“I eat miles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” That was my race mantra for the 7 hours and 30ish minutes it took me to complete the Traprock Ultra 50K yesterday. That is a full 1.5 hours faster than my last ultra finish at Bimbler’s Bluff by the way… just in case you were curious. 😉 While I would like to say the faster time was related to my veteran status as an ultra runner (with one whole 50K under my belt…), the truth is it is much more likely related to the fact that this run was shorter (um, yes they were both 50K but this one was actually 50K… as opposed to the 50K-ish course at Bimbler’s Bluff which was closer to 34 miles… if you didn’t get lost, which I did… repeatedly) and really well marked.

One thing it was not was EASIER. There were two ridiculously steep climbs within the first couple miles, including one right at the start. Since the course consisted of 3 loops, we had to do both 3 times!!! … And thats not even counting having to run the first one (which was by far the worst) in reverse 3 times as well! So the people who designed Traprock were sadists as well, but then what trail runners and trail race organizers aren’t? I mean honestly, when have you ever done a trail race that wasn’t filled with ridiculous hills? Or finished a race thinking “gosh that course was easier than I expected?”…. Never? Yeah, me either. Of course, the hills on this course were steep and technical even by trail running standards.

The good news is, after the quad-busting climbs in the few first miles, there was a nice descent (not so nice going in reverse) followed by a very friendly and supportive aid station and the Lollipop section of the course. This was the first out and back and it was super fun to cheer on all the runners who were already on their way back. I think this was my favorite section because it was dirt (minimal rocks!) and consisted of a gradual uphill which became a fast, easy down on the way back. From there it was another ~~aid station~~ cheer section and back up (literally up… sadists I tell you) into the woods on a lengthy stretch of up and down. This felt like the longest section of the course to me. I think partly because after picking up speed in the lollipop section, the steep parts of the hills made me feel like I was grinding to a stop.

After several fake outs (as in “nope, not leveling out yet”), there was yet another aid station at the top of the ridge. BTW I will say there were some spectacular views along the way, and a nice breeze at the top. The volunteers at this aid station were also AWESOME.

I just can’t say enough about how wonderful each station was! They cheered, they played music, they asked how I was feeling and what I needed. They even filled my hydration pack for me so I didn’t have to take it off. It was definite pick me up each time I saw them. This last aid station was roughly 3 miles from the finish and led to a (longer than I would have liked) paved section consisting of a gradual up and down. The thing I hated about this section (aside from my obvious dislike for running on pavement) was that there was not much shade, and I felt like the sun was roasting me. By the time it finished I was happy to get back on the trail, even if it meant repeating that merciless hill from the start. Thankfully, it was slightly less awful in reverse. Plus, it was a another loop part of the course so I got to cheer for all the runners coming out on there second loop.

Finishing the first loop meant running through the finish and then turning around and heading back up the way we came (yes, up the evil hill again). It was slightly cruel, but not as emotionally damaging as getting lost and backtracking through the entire Bimbler’s Bluff course. Unfortunately, during my second loop I started to feel sick. Anytime I tried to eat anything resembling solid food, it just didn’t agree with me. I had stomach cramps and a headache, and I was worried I might have to drop out. It was much warmer than it has been recently, so I was not acclimated to running in the heat. I tried to increase my fluid intake and see if that helped. Luckily I had added a protein mixture to my water and was able to keep down the cliff bloks I brought. It was frustrating because my legs and joints felt good. I decided just to slow down and not push myself. After all, it was a gorgeous day and beautiful course. I am a trail runner first and foremost. There is truly nothing that makes me feel happier or more at peace than being on the trails.

My main goal for this race was to finish. The time cut off was 9 hrs, which is just about what it took to run my last 50K. I figured I should be able to make that as long as I didn’t get lost. My secondary goal was to finish in 8 hrs. Given that I was running over 30 miles, I thought shaving a full hour off my previous time was a reasonable aim. When I finished my first loop in just over 2 hours (well behind most of the field btw… Ultra Runners are beasts! And possibly part mountain goat…) I knew I had the time to slow down, and give my body a chance to recover.

My plan worked, and by the start of loop 3 I was feeling great. I still did not push hard for fear of causing more GI distress; so instead I socialized with the runners nearby and walked the hills. YES! I walked. I walked any reasonable looking hill. I am no dummy. I ran almost the entire Bimbler’s Bluff 50K, and the only thing I accomplished by doing so was burning out my legs on the hills. This time I had nothing to prove, and I wasn’t about to mess with the heat. Guess what? I went faster! I figured it was better to walk and run than crawl… which is what I would have been doing had I not walked some of those inclines! It was so much more enjoyable too! Because my legs weren’t super fatigued, I was able to actually run the flats and downhills, which is so much more fun than poking along at injured pace.

My whole goal for loop 3 was really just to enjoy it, and honestly I did. Once I got through the hills on that first section I was so pumped to have “the worst” of it behind me. The aid station volunteers commented on what a big smile I was wearing as I came into view. I hollered back “The hard part is over! Just the fun stuff left now!” and I truly meant it. I sailed through the entire lollipop section as if my legs weren’t tired at all (ok, well my version of sailed). In fact, I felt strong right up until I ran out of cliff bloks. Then I, again, got into trouble with the cramping. This was unfortunate because I was heading into the sun-scorching paved section again. The last 5K was the longest 5K I have ever run in my life. Most likely because I was barely moving in spite of my best efforts. I had given everything I had and left it on the course. There was simply nothing left in me. That is until I had the finish within my sight. Then I came down that hill and hurled myself at it as fast as my legs would carry me!

Even being one of the last finishers, there were still plenty of people cheering at the finish. I was just happy that I had finished before they shut the course down!

I am no expert in Ultra running by any means, but I would definitely recommend this course to any one considering running one. Normally I am not a fan of any kind of repeats in a race. However, in this case, it was one of my favorite parts.

First, the fact that the course was a loop meant it was well marked with frequent aid stations (ie. cheer sections). It also meant by the second and third loop that I knew where I was going, which made it easier to watch my footing (and not face plant). Furthermore, it was helpful in terms running more efficiently due to knowing where to push hard and where to coast. Finally, it was a great way to interact with the other runners! Ultra running can be such a lonely sport when you sign up by yourself. It’s nice to see a friendly face every once in a while when you spend hours of your day running in the woods.

While I loved my experience at Bimbler’s Bluff, I cannot say I enjoyed the course as much as I did in this ultra. I had put so much pressure on myself last time to run well and finish. This time around I really wanted to just embrace the experience. That is exactly what I did. Sure plenty of (ok most) people may finished ahead of me, but I doubt any of them enjoyed the experience as much as I did. For me, trail running is pure bliss. Even when I’m tired and it hurts, I still love it. That being said, Traprock has earned a special place in my heart.

Doing Nothing to Prepare for My Ultra

“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”
-Jules Renard

We are just 2 days away from my second Ultra, and I am preparing today by being lazy. Perhaps the most difficult part of training for me is the tapering. Fellow endurance junkies, I know you know my pain! I am so accustomed to living life 100 mph that cutting back on training makes me feel like I am literally grinding to a halt. Plus, given that exercise is my coping mechanism to deal with all the other absurdity going on in my life, the decrease in workouts makes me extra looney.

This time around, however, I am trying to enjoy the downtime. Life has been so chaotic recently with being promoted to supervisor and my parents moving that the change in pace is actually kind of refreshing. Instead of feeling like a total slacker, I’ve been reminding myself that my training for Saturday’s run is behind me. The best thing I can do now is make sure I eat properly, sleep plenty, and ensure my body is well rested.

So today I am giving myself permission to be lazy. Rather than worrying about getting in enough mileage of swimming, biking, and running this week, I have been trying to relax… Try being the operative word. Surprisingly, this has not been as difficult as it typically is for me. Perhaps this is because I made it to swim class Tuesday night. We only swam just over a mile, but it was enough to take the edge off and shake off a crappy work day.

The class was great because we learned a new “punching” drill, and I feel like it really helped my stroke. Plus Coach M was in a great mood given that I finally gave her my gift for teaching me to swim. I had noticed she has propensity toward soft, fitted shirts so I got her an “i swim” shirt from the comfiest brand I know: Tough Chik! 🙂 She absolutely loved it! It’s funny to think how far we’ve come from that first class…

Aside from swim class, I haven’t done much in the way of exercise this week… Well other than the 5K on Sunday. I might sneak in another swim today, but that will be the last workout prior to Saturday. Tomorrow I am working, so today my goal is just to take it easy and plan out my gear and attire for the run. The hubs has agreed to give me a ride and pick me up. I told him not to feel obligated to stay the whole day since it took me almost 9 hours to finish the last one… plus ultra running is not much of a spectator sport. I am lucky to have a hubby that not only doesn’t mind me spending an entire Saturday running, but is willing to give up his time to help make it happen. I think I may have won the spouse lottery. After all, it takes a special breed to love an ultra runner… especially a tapering ultra runner…

Who else is racing this weekend? Any big plans?

Fear: The Dream Killer

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”
-Dorothy Thompson

Let’s take a moment to talk about Fear. We have all experienced it. Its evolutional function was to keep us safe and alive. However the problem comes when we are in no real danger and still living in a state of trepidation. We are no longer living in a time when our lives are perpetually in danger, yet the fear remains. Don’t think it’s affecting you? Keep reading.

I grew up in a household with a constant undercurrent of fear. My father suffers from mental illness and was labeled with a multitude of different diagnoses through my childhood. While they struggled to find the right combination of meds, we lived with the constant anxiety that he might take off or worse. My mother had promised to never have him hospitalized, so we saw first hand what he was like unmedicated and in the throngs of full on delusions. At one point he disappeared for days and we weren’t sure if he was even alive. With the changes in his meds, his personality also changed. We never knew who we would be dealing with. During most of that time he was paranoid, angry, and verbally and emotionally abusive toward my mother. I learned to be hypervigilant at an early age, always aware of the slightest change in his mood.

The fear from my home life carried over into life outside of our house. We all were charged with keeping the secret of my father’s illness as if it were something to be ashamed of. We were not allowed to have friends over, and as a result were rarely invited to our classmates houses or birthday parties. For the most part, we all coped by excelling in our studies. I found solace in sports. I did both cross country and track and joined just about every club in high school. Anything to be out of the house. Running was a chance to escape my problems, but it didn’t resolve my deep seeded anxiety.

I was afraid of everything growing up. I was constantly praying and making deals with God. I would count everything as way to feel like I had some control. I’d see programs on aliens and armageddon and be too terrified to sleep. Every thunderstorm I would curl up in my bed with rosary beads in hand. I was terrified of going to school, of trying new things, and most of all of failing. Being perfect was how I coped with my lack of self worth. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school that I became fed up with living in constant fear and challenged myself to do one thing that frightened me each day. This is what I wrote about when I filled out my college applications.

By the time I left for college, I was well on my way to becoming my own person. I was living on my own in the dorms and paying for my own school. It was the first time I felt comfortable in my own skin. I started working and volunteering, and spent my summers home constantly out of the house. Yet, I never managed to escape my anxiety and self esteem issues completely. Perhaps this is why I I was easily seduced by my abuser. He frequently complimented me and made me feel like I was the center of his universe. I would have done anything for him.

It was likely my upbringing that lead me to stay with my abuser so long, unaware of just how much fear and anxiety he had generated in my life- fear of saying or doing something that might upset him, fear of another outburst, fear of him doing something to embarrass me in public. At no point in our relationship did I even realize I was being abused. I had mistakingly thought that men who abuse their partners are aware that they are abusive. In reality, people like my ex truly believe other people are the cause of all their problems and behave toward them accordingly. This is because people like him are completely incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions and consider their victims the problem, not the other way around.

It was after I left my abuser that my fear and anxiety hit an all time head. The PTSD symptoms I had were paralyzing. You know that feeling you get when you are alone in the house at night and you hear a noise? Imagine feeling like that all the time. It’s literally exhausting. It ruled my life, and I hated it. Running and working out helped. In fact, they were the only thing that helped– not therapy and not meds. People see how much I train, and they think I’m super dedicated; but the truth is this is how I cope with my anxiety. The more I trained, the more I needed to train to get the same sense of calm and relief. Presently I need to workout 2-3 hours on my days off to feel relaxed the rest of the day. At least it’s cheaper than therapy though, right?

Now while I realize that most of you have not had to grow up the way I did or deal with PTSD, we are not actually that different. What is different is that my anxiety and fear existed on such a large scale that I had to face them head on. It was the only way I’d be able to function at all. Yet, many people live their lives in fear without ever realizing how much it holds them back.

When is the last time you thought about something you wanted to do and then made an excuse to yourself about why you couldn’t or shouldn’t? That is the fear talking. Don’t say I could never run a 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon, or ultra. The question is not a matter of can. The question is whether you are willing to put in the effort. Find a way. If it is truly a dream find a way to make it happen. Get a coach, find a training plan, write inspirational notes to yourself, and build up to the person you need to be to accomplish that goal. Perhaps you can’t do it now, but that is the point of establishing goals. It’s a about morphing into a stronger, smarter, and more confident version of yourself. Mold yourself into someone you can feel proud of.

Plus I will let you in on a little secret: getting outside your comfort zone and pushing yourself, while incredibly uncomfortable while you’re doing it, feels BEYOND AMAZING once you’ve done it! It is one of the best feelings in the world- and it doesn’t matter how big or small the goal is. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Maybe the first step in your case is just to believe you can. That’s ok because we all have to start somewhere. It’s your journey and the only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. Make a commitment to yourself to grow into the person you have always dreamed of being. Along the way you will learn to truly love and accept yourself; and the everyday fear of not being good enough will slip away. It’s amazing how little you care about what other people think of you when you are truly happy with the person you’ve become.

Fear is just an obstacle getting in the way of your dreams, and it’s time to get over it. Don’t let your inner critic hold you back. He or she is just bitter about your awesomeness. You are strong, inspiring, and courageous. You have talents and gifts that need to be shared with the world. It’s your time to start living fully and leave any lingering reservations in the dust.

Repeat after me: Today I stand no longer afraid.

I am not afraid to try new things– Sure it may be scary, but it’s what makes me feel like I am living!

I am not afraid of being disliked– I’m a great person. I put others ahead of myself and truly care about the people in my life from friends and family to my employees and patients. If other people can’t appreciate that, it’s truly their loss.

I am not afraid to fail– Because, hey, at least I am trying! If I do fail or DNF then at least I know I’m testing my limits! Have you ever stopped to think what you might be capable of if you just tried? If you never try then how would you know?

I am not afraid to bear my soul– This blog is 100% me and my truth. I am not going to hold anything back. I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. People can go ahead and judge, but I am going to stay true to myself. How would I be any help to anyone else here if I wasn’t?

Who’s with me? What fears are you ready to give up?

Enough! Recap and Taking On the Bucket List

“If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster,

your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.”
-Les Brown

Back when I wrote about My Grown Up Bucket List, I never imagined how quickly I would be crossing items off it. Today I did just that! Last week I signed up for the Enough! Race to End Domestic Violence much in the same manner as I signed up for the Lavery McDermott Race To End Domestic Violence– at the last minute. Also as with the Lavery/McDermott Race, I volunteered with CT-ALIVE and staffed a table pre & post race to give the crowd information about the work we do and our mission to empower women to take the step from survivor to Thriver.

Initially, I was a little worried about running today because the temperature was supposed to be a record 70 degrees… which is a great deal warmer than what it has been recently and not exactly the most comfortable temp for running. After distinctly thinking how much happier I would be with a cooler run at 50 degrees, I got in my car to find the temp was exactly 50. I decided at that point that the universe and I were in line, and it would be a great day. I was not disappointed!

Since I have been tapering for my ultra next weekend, my body was not as run down from training as it typically is. I also had plenty of time to sleep in and hydrate (after my 15 hr shift the day before) because the start wasn’t until 10 am. This probably contributed to the great mood I woke up in. For some reason, I just felt completely ready to rock it.

My good vibes continued when I arrived to check in without any issues, traffic, or difficulty with parking, and found my race number had not one, but two sevens in it! Seven is my lucky number! (Don’t ask me why, it just is…) I took this as a definite positive sign. The 50 degree temp and double sevens could not be coincidence… not as far as I was concerned anyway…

Beyond just being pumped that the race was for a great cause (one especially near and dear to my heart… as we all know), I was excited to see the some other ladies from CT-ALIVE and catch up. Since becoming a supervisor, my work schedule has made it difficult to keep up with a lot of the going ons and meetings with the board. Both Susan Omilian, our project director and “My Avenging Angel Workshop” facilitator, and Vanessa Stevens of the Purple Song Project were there, so I had a chance to chat with them. Susan is the woman who helped me rediscover myself after abuse; and Vanessa is a fellow domestic abuse survivor and thriver who has been a constant source of inspiration and support. It was great to see them both. I was excited to hear that Susan is interested in guest blogging here, so stay tuned for what I am sure will be an inspiring post!

As far as the race, the course was the hilliest 5K I have ever run! The first mile and a half was basically all up hill, and then second half was up and down. The were essentially no flat parts. It was brutal! But the support from the volunteers and crowd at the finish were great and almost made up for the quad busting course. Races that are put on for good causes always have an awesome vibe and this was no exception!

Starting the race, my legs were not feeling as fresh as I had hoped… but then I wouldn’t recommend working a 15 hr shift the day before a timed run. lol I still managed to maintain what felt like a strong and steady pace in spite of the hills. At the start when my legs didn’t feel great I told myself that “The first mile is a liar.” Once I reached the first mile marker and saw I was at 7:20, I was pretty pleased.

In general, I view the last 5K of a half marathon as the final stretch, so my mantra during this entire race was “I’m in the final stretch.” When I felt crummy, I compared it to the last 5K of a half marathon and then ran harder. At the halfway point I was congratulated by a volunteer for being the “3rd female overall.” HOLY COW! I have never seeded that high in a race before!

I held my position until the last mile when another two ladies managed to pass me. I was bummed to lose out on my top three position, but knew I was running as hard as I could. I reminded myself that was all that mattered. In the last half mile I saw Vanessa singing on the course and yelled to her. I knew I was almost done and was so happy to see a familiar face! The finish came up quickly and I secured a time of 24:30. I knew I was 5th overall for the women, which is the highest I have ever finished in a race.

Then came a bigger surprise! They announced me as first in my age group!!!! YES! Bucket List Item Checked!!!! I even got a little plaque to commemorate my achievement. It was epic.

The hubs and I celebrated by going out for lunch and then ice cream, which is normally a treat I reserve for finishing half marathons. In this case though, I thought it was well earned.

In other epic news:

Sole Sister Brook Kreder of Brook’s First Marathon asked to share my story on her blog… which is hilariously awesome and you should read it btw… and not just because she featured me either. Her escapades literally make me laugh out loud.

The Great Tutu Race

“One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom.

When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do.

If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you; you pick up the nearest rock…”
― Johnny Depp

Mmmmm Johnny Depp… Haha only I could find a way to incorporate a male sex symbol into a post about empowering women… You’re welcome for the mental image. For those of you who lack imagination, how about this one?

Good morning to you too!

He’s not quite as hot and sexy as the hubs, but maybe a close second… 😉

Photo by Sassy Mouth Photography- Most Fabulous Photograher Ever..

Sorry Ladies, he’s taken!

Anyway, back to the real purpose of this post. Despite what it may seem, I am not trying to rally you to pick up rocks and defend yourselves against bullies. Rather, I am encouraging you to pick up your TUTUS! Not that anyone should need a reason or excuse to wear a tutu, but this just so happens to be a great cause.

Remember back when SELF Magazine thought it would amusing to poke fun at women running in tutus? (EPIC fail at being snarky SELF- Shame on you both being needlessly mean and failing to be humorous). Obviously, I had a lot to say about it. Surprisingly, I am not here to bash SELF… and not because of their lame apology either. Instead, I wanted to inform you all about a way to help Girls On The Run in honor of Glam Runner and earn some killer bling in the process.

I am not someone who normally does virtual races. In fact, I have never done one. However, I might just do this one! A few days ago, Glam Runner shared a link on Facebook about a “Don’t Mess with My Tutu” virtual run (medal pictured above). The race features 5K, 10K, and 13.1K distances and three different (pink, teal, and purple) medal colors to choose from. Clearly, if there were ever a race suited for moi, this is it…I mean even my wedding dress looked like a puffy tutu…! Somehow, I don’t think I’m alone in that sentiment either (ok well not the wedding dress part ,but you know what I mean…) So what I suggest is we all don our flashiest tutus for this more than worthy cause and send a clear message that You Do Not Mess With Runners in Tutus!

And if that’s not enough to convince you, well then would you do it for Johnny?

Why yes I do….

So You Have Crunchy Muscles Too?

“The more injuries you get, the smarter you get.”

Ikhail Baryshnikov

Not so long ago, my Blogging Idol The Bloggess published a post entitled “My Search Results Terrify Me” which was both hilarious and strangely thought provoking. In the past few years I have been blogging, I have never bothered to check my most recent search terms… so, of course, I did immediately after reading it.

In the process I discovered some interesting things about my audience… and internet users in general. For starters, despite the many deep and heart felt posts on this blog, the most popular has been “You Have Crunchy Muscles.” This is likely because “crunchy muscles” and multiple variations of “crunchy shoulder muscles” and “crunchy back muscles” were among the most frequently searched terms. This leads me to believe that either A) There are way too many people walking around with crunchy muscles or B) There, sadly, are not many other resources to guide victims of this unfortunate affliction. Well, fear not my friends! I am here to help. First, however, I would like to share with you some of the other popular terms that are directing your peers to this site.

In Order of Popularity:

1. Running Inspiration– YES! I am happy this is reason #1 for blog traffic.

2. Yoda Quotes– I have mixed emotions about this one, but given that I am a Yoda loving geek at heart, I consider this a win.

3. Burpee Exercise– Glad I could help with this, but you may want to check out the Spartan Page for more explicit instruction. Oh and since you are already into burpees, you should sign up for my Spartan Race Giveaway too!

4. Running Thriver– Bravo to you! You found me! Next time you can just add the www and dot com.

5. Kreativ– I am guessing that this has to do with the Kreativ Blogger Award?

6. Crunchy Muscles– Hang in there peeps! Help is on the way!

7. Breast Cancer Awareness– I did have one post in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month…

8. Nice Words to Say– Aw Internet, I am touched… no really.

10. Don’t Forget to Be Awesome– This is indeed important to remember.

Other Less Popular, but Slightly More Entertaining Search Terms:

Love Handles & Sore Love Handles– Clearly I talk about mine too much; but apparently you’re interested. Let’s be friends.

Marathon Motivation– Um, did you read my marathon recap– DON’T DO IT!!!! Just kidding! But don’t say I didn’t warn you..

Being Sick Sucks– Yes, yes it does.

Remember You Signed a Death Waiver– No death waiver necessary here, but if you are offering…

Bad Ass Socks– Why yes, I do have some. You can them them here.

Ischemic Colitis– Let’s not go there again…

Why Do My Love Handles Hurt After Running? – Again with the love handles?

How Long Before Running Gets Easier– It doesn’t. You just get better. Haven’t you read the fitspo?

Ass Boot– ????? And that brought you here?

Hate is a Strong Word But I Really Really Really Don’t Like You– Well I’m glad we cleared that up…

Hot Warrior Dash Girls & Hot Tough Mudder Girls– And the internet directed you here? Oh Internet, you flatterer…

My Life is a Constant Battle between My Love of Food and Not Wanting to Get Fat– Yes, we all struggle with that…

Marie Osmond Hot– As opposed to Donny Osmond hot?

Nothing Sexier than a Woman in the Gym– I guess I am pretty sexy then…ALL THE TIME

Butt Muscles Funny Pictures– Nope, not even going there…

Will Doubling Up on P90 x Get Me There in Half the Time– Depends where “there” is exactly. If you mean injured, then yes it absolutely will…

I Work Out Diligently But Still Have Love Handles– Repeat after me: I have love handles, and that’s okay. Then read this and this… oh and this.

And My Favorite:

Running Llama– Where do I get one?

Okay now back to the hundreds of you who have found this blog due to your crunchy muscles (generally 1-2 of you a day). First, I have to warn you that while I am a medical professional I am not an orthopedic PA and do not work in sports medicine. Rather, most of what I know about sports related injury I have learned from first hand experience. If you are suffering from an injury you should probably have it evaluated rather than trying to push through it.

If you, like me, have crunchy muscles there is a good chance you have scar tissue built up- typically from repetitive activities. All that running, lifting, cycling, and swimming comes with some cost. I have not had much personal luck with Orthopedic Doctors. I did, however, have tremendous success with a sports medicine chiropractor. If you are considering seeing a chiropractor, I would encourage you to see one who has a background in sports medicine or is familiar with Active Release Technique (A.R.T.). In a nutshell, A.R.T. is a practice used to break up scar tissue and improve mobility. The first time I had it done was absolutely AMAZING. It was not painful at all. After some heat and stim, the chiropractor basically had me move my shoulder in different directions while he used his fingers to break up the scar tissue. I went into his office barely being able to lift my arm (while on muscle relaxants) and left with near normal range of motion (no drugs necessary!)

If you are weary of chiropractors or can’t afford one (my insurance covered it 100% at the time), there are some other gadgets you can invest in at home. Here’s a run down of a few of my favorites:

Foam Roller: Great for tight IT bands, quads, hamstrings, and mid back. Warning– It is going to hurt like a mother (let me repeat: LIKE A MOTHER ie. tears rolling down your cheeks), but it will get the job done. GO SLOWLY and work all the tight spots out.

Trigger Ball: I am pretty sure a tennis ball would probably work as well, but I LOVE this little guy. I use it DAILY. The main spots I use this thing are my shoulders and upper back. It effectively breaks up all those knots from cycling and lifting. It will snap, crackle, pop, and hurt so good. Since I started using the trigger ball regularly, I haven’t needed the chiropractor.

**Should you fall in love with the previous two, Trigger actually has a whole kit of gadgets for deep muscle massage and myofascial release.

Yoga: Mix it up! Yoga will help you relax tight areas and actually help lengthen (stretch) your muscles too. If you are a YMCA member, chances are they have a yoga class you can take. Otherwise there are plenty of other options including DVDs. My personal favorite is P90X yoga, but I wouldn’t recommend it for rehabbing an injury.

Swim: Try some active recovery after a long run or ride. I routinely do my swim at the end of my workouts because I find I am significantly less stiff and sore than when I don’t. Not surprisingly, studies have found that swimming is a great form of active recovery and even decreases inflammatory markers in your system after a workout.

Most importantly, be sure to listen to your body! Don’t push through injuries. Take rest when you need it. Rest days are an important part of training, and are necessary to give you muscles time to recover. Also, pay attention to your diet. Nutrition plays a HUGE part in muscle healing and body inflammation. Finally, take time to get adequate sleep. Your body won’t repair itself when you are busy running it into the ground.

Remember, it’s the only body you are going to get, so take good care of it!

Breaking Up With The Scale

“Only when you are aware of the uniqueness of everyone’s individual body

will you begin to have a senseof your own self-worth.”

Ma Jian

You may have guessed from the title of this post that the Get Fit Challenge has officially ended (YEA!!!!!!). That means no more weigh ins! As you know, I didn’t particularly care for the scale; so I am pretty stoked about our official break up. Our last challenge was to improve our results from our initial fit test. We got one point for completing it, and one point for each exercise we improved. I was a little worried about being able to beat my previous totals since I blasted through the first time… and biked over 23 miles at spin before arriving to take it… oh, and ran over 7 miles of incline… and swam a mile… Okay so I essentially did a whole triathlon prior. Good cause for concern, right?

Well surprisingly, I sailed through the push ups, sit ups and squats- surpassing my previous totals on all of them. It was the having to run farther than 1.68 miles in 10 minutes at the end that nearly killed me! All I could think was “why did I run so fast the first time?”, and then I remembered it was because I had been racing the hubs. This time around I was not in a racing mood. I just wanted to survive it! Luckily, I managed it with a second or two to spare. Then we had our final weigh in, and I came in at my highest weight since our initial weigh in (which was both humorous and irritating, but not at all surprising given how bloated I was from finally getting my “visitor”… it would figure that she would disappear for weeks on end and then show up that week!).

Regardless of my epic fail at weight loss (a side effect of not actually needing to lose weight) the hubs and I still came in 3rd place overall, which means we get bragging rights and $25 each to spend at the gym on exciting stuff like protein shakes and gatorade. Despite my loathing of the weigh ins, it was actually a worthwhile experience for both of us. Of course now that it is over, I have not had much success in getting the hubs to the gym with me… or the pool… I think he did make one spin class last week. In his defense, they just switched his shift again at work. I think he may get back on track when he gets used to his new schedule. Presently he spends most of his down time sleeping.

I, on the other hand, am really proud of myself for not only continuing to kick butt at the gym (I am soooo close to doing a real pull up!!!), but also sticking to my mileage goals for the year. To date I have managed 335/1000 miles for the bike, 146/500 miles for running, and 17/50 miles for swimming. I even forced myself to ride the bike trainer for an hour twice this week (even though it is even more painful and boring than running on a treadmill). To keep motivated I wear my Tough Chik jersey and remind myself that it is mental preparation. I also remind myself that I need all the help I can get with cycling… like even more than with swimming, and that is saying something!

All that biking, running, and swimming has meant lots of time at the YMCA. I prefer to run there when I use the treadmill because they have fancy ones that go up to 30% incline and will even decline up to 3%. The past few weekends I have dedicated my Saturday mornings to doing the 7am spin class, followed immediately by a very hilly run on the treadmill, and then a swim. My goal is usually to do an hour of each in a row, however this generally gets adjusted based on how great or awful I am feeling that day. Yesterday I only did a 4 mile run because my legs were fried from all the miles on the bike trainer but then did an almost 1.5 mile swim, which is a new distance record for me.

Surprisingly, I have gotten to the point now with swimming that I actually look forward to class and going on my own. Saturday mornings have become my “quiet time” swim where I can plug in my headphones and tune out the world. I purposely brick my workouts out of order and swim at the end because I know the pool we be empty and my body will feel refreshed after the beating its taken all morning. I consider it an active recovery. Plus, it just seems really inefficient to shower at the beginning and end of your workout. This way I only need to shower once at the end. That means I’m saving water and the environment in addition to kicking ass.

I have to say that triathlon training in general has been a life enriching experience. It’s exposed me to a new sport (swimming) which I now LOVE and continually forces me to live outside of my comfort zone. I have become not only stronger, but more confident and self assured. There is nothing like regularly seeing yourself in a sport swimsuit (and letting the public see you in it) to force you to get comfortable in your body. I’ve gone from a point of being modest (and at times embarrassed) in the locker room to feeling proud of myself every time I put my swim gear on. I worked my way up from not being able to swim at all to swimming for over an hour straight with minimal rest. In fact, I can even swim three different strokes now (though I still look… and feel…like I’m drowning on breast stroke… who deemed it a recovery stroke anyway?) Last week I even got a compliment from Coach M –which I took as high praise considering how hard they are to get from the epitome of swimming perfectionism– that I had a “nice long stroke.”

So instead of seeing a deer in headlights or pile of body imperfections when I suit up, now I see hard earned muscles, confidence, and a smile. I see someone who is looking forward to her swim and embracing the sport. I can truly say that now I feel most badass when I wear my swimsuit and cap. It takes more guts to swim than to run- for me at least! That is what I appreciate in the person looking back at me.

Which is why I don’t care about the number on the scale or the size of my clothes. I know my body is healthy and strong. I also know that I am doing my best, and that is all anyone could ever ask of me- including myself. My favorite pair of workout capris are bright orange with polka dots and they highlight the cellulite dimples in the back of my legs. Guess what? I don’t care. I still wear them because I love the color. Plus, I am pretty sure no one else is going to notice, and if they do they should probably be more concerned with their own workout anyway. I have become aware recently of how much more obvious our imperfections look to us than they do to others, and I am making a conscious choice to not let my insecurities dictate how I feel about myself or the way I look. When I wear my orange pants I am proud that I am not covering up my flaws. Instead, I’m saying this is me; and I am confident, strong, and happy with my body. I am also saying “You should be too.”

Do yourself a favor and love your body today. Appreciate it for everything it has done for you, and marvel at what it allows you to accomplish.

PS. You still have a few days left to enter for a Free 2014 Spartan Race Entry! You’ll have a a whole new appreciation of your body after completing one!