Spartan Ultra Beast

Ultra Beast Recap: DNF Never Felt So Good!


“It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life.

The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated…

it is finished when it surrenders.”

-Ben Stein

On Friday Sept. 21st, I embarked on a journey that I knew would change my life.  I was on my way to the Spartan Ultra Beastthe first event of it’s kind– and about to “be a part of obstacle racing history.”  I was well aware the course would be extreme and expected to be pushed to (and even past) the point of breaking.  There had been numerous setbacks related to injury and family crisis that interfered with my training, but I was determined to give it my absolute best effort regardless.  I had put in the work, now it was time to see if it was enough.  I had promised myself that anytime the course seemed too much, I would simply remind myself why I was there and just how far I had come.

I went into the race feeling like an underdog.  I’m not an impressive athlete.  I don’t have tremendous strength or speed.  In fact, I’m not even remotely coordinated.  What I do have in my favor is the ability to endure suffering and grind on through it– a trait that served me better than I could have hoped in this race.

Right from the start I felt like I was struggling.  It was cold (consider this a gross understatement) and- as expected- the water on the course was FREEZING.   There were several early obstacles that involved getting wet, including one that required swimming across a pond.  Needless to say, by the time I reached that obstacle I was too frozen to feel any part of my body let alone grip and swing on ropes.  It was more swimming and burpees for me.

To make matters worse, the entire first loop I battled painful muscle spasms in my quads, calves, and toes. In fact, my left quad was spasming so badly I couldn’t bend my knee at all.  As a result, I was fighting my body through almost every obstacle and did more burpees (FULL BURPEES!!!!) than I could count… many of them one legged thanks to my ever uncooperative left leg.  As you can imagine, this was completely disheartening.  Given how badly I was struggling, and the fact that the spasms continued regardless of anything I ate or drank, it was hard for me to imagine completing that first loop let alone taking on a second.  I tried to think of anything other than pain I was experiencing.  I thought about Team X-T.R.E.M.E., about all the people in this world who would give anything to walk or run, about all the women I was running for, and all the years I spent in an abusive relationship.  This pain was only temporary, and it was nothing compared to the pain of quitting.

Adam had been running with me and could tell I was hurting. I told him I just needed to keep moving and walk it off.  He hung back with me, helped me over the walls, and gave me advice on completing the obstacles I had trouble with.  I was IMMENSELY grateful for his help and company.  Any concerns I had previously about running together (as friends- for the first time after not really having contact for over a month) had completely evaporated.

So too did any negative thoughts of my ability to complete obstacles when I hauled the men’s sandbag up and down a steep hill and made it up my first successful rope climb (before unceremoniously falling from the top straight down onto a bale of hay… much to the horror of the on looking racers nearby).  I’m proud to say that I did manage to ring that bell before I fell off AND I did it full military style without the aid of the knots!  I also managed to remember Papa 433-7137 (my assigned memorization task) after reciting it in my head for a good section of the course.

For as much as I sucked at many of the obstacles (I think my worst performance, by far, was the spear throw… unless you were supposed aim for your neighbor’s target), I found I excelled at the barbed wire crawl- which conveniently was the most prevalent obstacle on the course! I think my tiny size really worked to my advantage as I was able to roll under even the lowest wire with no issue whatsoever.  It was probably the only time I was light years ahead of Adam (on the first loop at least… I totally could have whooped him, but instead helped him get through on the second loop, even carrying his heavier pack for the last 4-5 miles when he was really hurting… I definitely owed him and was glad I was able to repay him for getting me through the first half. He said he wouldn’t have even attempted the second lap if I hadn’t dragged him with me; I’m glad he hasn’t held it against me!). I did also have him beat on the traverse wall, which was obviously owed to my superior climbing skills. Of course, he said it was only because mywall “was leaning”…

When we FINALLY finished the first loop- which I heard on good authority was 15 ish miles and included a glorious ascent in the last few (with an equally steep and treacherous descent!)– we were informed by the race official that they instituted a 7:30 pm time cut off at the tyrolean traverse roughly 10 miles into the second lap.  It was already after 3:30 pm, and we knew we had little hope of making it in time.  Instead of feeling discouraged, I enjoyed the opportunity to demolish the peanut m&m’s I had stashed in my gear bin (I actually did share several with other racers and was even called a “goddess” which is the farthest thing from what I felt like… lol)  I only took just enough time to inhale some calories, change out of my damp shirt into a dry one, and (after a quick mental debate)  slip on my rain jacket.  I fellow racer questioned me looking slightly confused.  I explained that the jacket is completely unbreathable and always makes me too warm when I run in it.  I figured if anything was going to keep me toasty, this was it.  In retrospect, it was one of the best decisions of my life.

As if someone had waved a magic wand, every problem that had plagued me on that first loop disappeared.  My spasms were barely noticeable and really only bothered me during burpees.  With my rain jacket on, I was no longer fighting the cold, and I was riding the high of my second wind.  Since we knew we were unlikely to make the time cutoff, and Adam was visibly hurting, we decided to slow our pace and simply do the second loop for fun instead of trying to run for time.  Aside from the torture of the terrain and obstacles, the Beast course was one of the most breathtakingly scenic races I’ve ever done.  The views from the top of the mountain spanned for miles and encompassed some vibrant fall foliage. If that wasn’t enough to make you grateful for being there, the weather was sunny and beautiful to boot!  If we had been there for any other purpose it might have been the perfect fall day.  Instead, it served as consolation for the pain we were suffering- but was greatly enjoyed none the less!

Slowing our pace down was an excellent opportunity to not only enjoy the majestic views, but also to chat with fellow racers and make some new friends.  We spent some time with a Death Race finisher named Pete whose gift for conversation was greatly appreciated- as was his insight on the Death Race.  He carried merrily along his way, clearly enjoying the whole experience and talking to anyone who crossed his path.  A short while later we ran back into Carmen, who had been near us for much of the first loop.  She was running with an ultra runner and death racer named Tammy, and it turned out that Tammy did not have a usable headlamp.  The officials agreed to let her continue on the course as long as she was with a group, so we all decided to stick together the rest of the way and an awesome team was forged. 🙂

I had an absolute blast spending time with these ladies! Carmen had worked for Spartan Races for the previous year and had even helped build the course.  Her interactions with the volunteers and staff were entertaining to say the least.  Her and Tammy’s company was sincerely appreciated.  The fact that we had each other for camaraderie made walking in the dark for hours on end with only our headlamps for light not only bearable, but completely enjoyable- even in the pouring rain!

We chatted, helped each other through obstacles, got excited and then disappointed each and every time we saw a light in the distance and then watched it disappear.  We soldiered onward while patiently waiting for someone to pull us from the course.  We were well past the time cutoff, wandering in the dark, soaked, frozen, and starving (at some point cliff bloks, almonds, and peanut butter sandwiches just don’t cut it anymore).  We knew getting pulled was inevitable, but we hoped to make it to the traverse before it happened.

I couldn’t help but laugh when (well past the cut off) a volunteer asked Carmen if she made it through an obstacle, and she yelled “F$$K YOU’RE BURPEES!” and kept walking.  At that point we were already delirious and highly amused by the entire situation.  The idea of even completing obstacles was laughable given we were already technically disqualified anyway… that being said, I still did them (with the exception of the tractor pull because I didn’t want to be left by myself when my team stormed past it! lol  In truth I think they only actually skipped maybe two)

When we did finally reach the traverse it was a jumble of mixed emotions.  First and foremost, we were ELATED to see headlights and then the truck.  We had not seen another person on that mountain in hours, and if it wasn’t for the white markers showing us we were on track it, would have been easy to believe we were lost in the middle of nowhere one wrong move away from a dire situation.  At the same time there was some disappoint that we were being pulled before the course cut off at 10 pm AND that the course had been significantly longer than the length of a marathon.  The official who picked us up said we were close to 26 miles in and that the race organizers had not expected many racers to finish.

By the time we arrived back at the start almost everything had been shut down other than the finish line.  I collected my gear bin and then thought it might be worth seeing if we could at least get t-shirts.  We took the Ultra Beast Shirts not realizing they said finisher on the back (we didn’t keep them once we noticed) and gladly accepted the regular Beast medal instead of the Ultra one.  Regardless of whether I covered a marathon worth of obstacles, I didn’t finish the entire course within the allotted time. I didn’t earn it.  Normally, if you sign up for a marathon and only finish half you get nothing- just a DNF.  Therefore, I was grateful to get a medal at all and have something to show for all the effort other than just head to toe bruises. 😉

When people ask me how I did at the race, I tell them I accomplished the goal I set for myself- to cover a marathon(ish) worth of obstacle racing and that I was pulled from the course around mile 26.  I have no shame about it.  Why should I?  I was on that mountain for 12 + hrs, and that course was BRUTAL. I hauled ass through mud, obstacles, up hill, down hill, across ponds, in the dark, in the cold, and in the rain AND I DIDN’T QUIT!  I  started the second loop knowing I would get pulled, but wanted to at least see how far I could make it.  When the officials at mile 6 told us we weren’t going to make the time cutoff and could stop, we told them we would rather continue for the hour we had left.  We continued full knowing the hell that was in store for us.  We would have continued until 10 pm if they hadn’t shut the course down.

Ultimately, I would have stayed on that course as long as I needed to in order to finish given the opportunity; but I don’t feel badly that I didn’t.  Instead, I feel like what I did was enough.  I pushed myself further than I ever have, and I’m pretty satisfied with that.

 In fact, I’m kind of impressed with myself because I felt better on that second loop than I did on the first- well enough to even have continued.  At one point during our escapades I told Tammy how much better I was doing on lap 2 and how it usually takes me a good 6 miles to get warmed up and find my groove.  She said (with total conviction and not at all in a joking manner) that I was built to be an ultra runner- a HUGE compliment coming from a 100 miler.

Maybe she’s right.  Maybe there’s an ultra in my future… and this time possibly even with an official finish.  In fact, I may just have one picked out. 😉 In the meantime it’s back to regular workouts.

Ultra Beast on My Mind

“It takes a little courage, and a little self-control… and some grim determination,

If you want to reach the goal.

It takes a deal of striving, and a firm and stern-set chin.

No matter what the battle, If you really want to win.

There’s no easy path to glory, There’s no road to fame.

Life, however we may view it, Is no simple parlor game;

But it’s prizes call for fighting, For endurance and for grit;

For a rugged disposition and don’t know when to quit.”

With the Spartan Ultra Beast only a few weeks away at this point, it’s safe to say it’s on my mind almost 24/7.  I know myself well enough to realize that no matter how much I train, it will never feel like enough.  I mean how are you ever supposed to feel prepared for something you’ve never done before?  Isn’t the whole point of doing an event like this to GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE?  (Mission Accomplished!!! I am SO OUT of my comfort zone lol)

I’ve never done a Spartan Race, so I only have an idea of what to expect. I considered signing up for the Super Spartan next weekend, and even running it twice back to back as training- but it’s almost $150.  That is a lot of money, especially when you’re paying a mortgage and student loans.  Furthermore, realistically, I don’t think running next weekend (or even doing the course twice) is going to dramatically effect whether or not I finish Sept 22nd.  At this point, most of my training is already behind me; and there’s not going to be much I could pull of in the next week or two that is going to alter my chances… other than getting injured!  Plus, I think I would rather not know what I’m getting myself into…

I keep reminding myself that Spartan Headquarters selected me for a reason.  I earned my spot in that race.  Up until completing the Ascent, I wasn’t sure how well I believed I could finish; and it bothered me to read comments about how there were too many unqualified people getting in.

However, now I don’t care if other people think I’m un or under-qualified.  They clearly don’t know me, what I’ve been through, or what I’m capable of accomplishing when my mind is set.  The truth is I don’t need anyone else’s approval to succeed.  The fact that I have never done a Spartan Race has absolutely nothing to do with my worthiness to compete or my ability to finish.  I don’t need to rattle off my credentials or prove myself to anyone.  I am one tough chick, and if they don’t want to see or acknowledge it that’s their problem- not mine.

I didn’t sign up for this race to demonstrate to the world what a badass I am; I signed up to challenge myself.  I wanted to push myself to do something I didn’t think I could.  I figured I’d send in my application and see what happened.  If I got in, I’d take it as a sign from the universe that I could do it and was ready for the challenge.  Never in a million years did I imagine what a (pardon the expression) “pissing contest” it would become.  I guess I was accustomed to the Spartan Chicked group where everyone is encouraging and supportive of each other without the need for competition.

 Maybe it’s the addition of the testosterone, but the Ultra Beast group is constant stream of who is the most awesome, who is going to annihilate the race because “some of us eat courses like this for breakfast”, complaints that there are too many people getting in (I’m sorry, I missed the part about our applications being accepted early on making us superior to everyone else) , and how there are so many unqualified people getting accepted (not sure what credentials are required to be the judge of who is actually qualified, but apparently Spartan Headquarters doesn’t seem to have them). Seriously? Grow up people and worry about yourselves!

I’m not saying that is what every post is like, or even how most of the people in the group are.  In reality, it’s probably only a few people (with a constant need to run their mouths), but the comments are a fairly regular occurrence.  I just don’t understand the concept of needing to trash other people (people you don’t even know in this case!) to make yourself feel good.  Sure, maybe you’re naturally athletic- but did you ever stop and think that maybe that’s your disadvantage?  Do you even know what it’s like to really dig deep and work for something?  Have you ever pushed yourself to your mental or physical limit?  Have you trained through chronic injuries and pain?  Have you ever even attempted anything you didn’t already know you would succeed at?

I’d like to think that if you did, you would be supportive of other people trying to do the same instead of looking down your nose at them as if they’re beneath you in some way.  I know people who have been accepted in the Ultra Beast with fewer races and  less distance covered than me… several, in fact, who have never even covered the distance of a full marathon.   That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have the chance to compete; and it certainly doesn’t make them less deserving than me or anyone else to be there.  Running is supposed to be about competing with yourself and having fun in the process.  If you’ve lost sight of that then I sincerely feel sorry for you.

Conquering the Ascent

“You can never conquer the mountain. You can only conquer yourself.”
-James Whittaker

I remember back when Adam first suggested I do the Pikes Peak Ascent,  I told him running straight up for over 13 miles at altitude pretty much sounded like my definition of hell.  I couldn’t imagine it being enjoyable in any sense of the word, but it did sound like a challenge!  I figured if I qualified, I would sign up and didn’t give it much thought.  Then I qualified at my first half… and the marathon, and every half after.  I was officially committed.

Once the injuries and setbacks started, and I began to seriously question whether I would get through the Ascent within the allotted time (let alone the Ultra Beast!).  I didn’t feel like my training had been adequate, and I had serious doubts about making it all the way to the summit without succumbing to altitude sickness… especially when Adam (the superstar) had barely made the time 6.5 hour cutoff last year and didn’t finish due to altitude sickness the year before.  I had been sensitive to the altitude on my previous trip to Colorado and at the NorCal Tough Mudder and that was much lower elevation.

However, I pleased to find when we arrived in Colorado that I tolerated the elevation change much better this time around… mostly owing I’m sure to the massive quantities of water I was drinking. lol We went hiking everyday to help acclimate and I found my body surprisingly cooperative.  My allergies, which normally plague me and interfere with breathing, had dramatically improved thanks to the mountain air.  My legs felt great, and the views were absolutely amazing.

Despite how good I felt on the trails though, I was still terrified about the race.  Surviving the Incline trail felt amazing, but still left me with lingering fears about the altitude.  I was pretty much counting on being miserable the entire race.  I was so nervous about not finishing that I didn’t want to buy anything with the Ascent logo at the race expo for fear of jinxing myself! (I did finally break down and purchase an awesome bright pink jacket- reasoning that if I didn’t finish it would be all the more reason I earned it) The night before the Ascent, I got next to no sleep.  I tossed and turned the entire night, and knew the sleep deprivation wouldn’t bode well during the run.

Arriving at the start, I was somewhat relieved that I wouldn’t have to deal with the worry or anticipation for much longer.  I had done everything I could to prepare (given the circumstances dealt), and now it was up to the universe to take its course.  All I could do is try my best and have faith that things would be okay.

The first mile of the race stretched through the streets of Manitou Springs with spectators lining the way.  It was immediately an uphill climb and only became steeper as we approached the trail.  Before we even reached the trail head, people were already stopping to rest and walking.  That altitude is no joke and neither was the first steep hill!

When we did hit the trail, things seemed to grind to a hault.  EVERYONE was walking and there wasn’t much room to pass.  People around me were already griping, but I took it as an opportunity to catch my breath.  I didn’t have any laufty time goals; I just wanted to finish.  I figured if I kept pace with the pack (many of whom were veterans) then I should stay on track to reach the peak in time… even if it meant walking.

Eventually the traffic did pick up, particularly whenever a photographer was spotted.  I tried to at least jog any stretches that were even remotely flat (or at least not completely vertical!).  I would use the steeper sections to slow down and control my breathing.  Slowly, the miles ticked away.  Within a couple hours, we reached Bar Camp just past the halfway mark. The people there were SO NICE and ENCOURAGING.  You could tell that they genuinely wanted to help and support the racers.  The snack array was nothing short of impressive… anything you could imagine: pretzels, m&ms, skittles, cheese its, grapes, oranges, bananas, pickles, potato chips… it looked like a snack table for a party.  The volunteers would literally put the food in your hands and help refill water containers.  I tried to eat some skittles (purely out of the excitement of finding them there) but found it was too much work to try to eat and breath at the same time.  I only stayed long enough to refill my water and headed back on my way.

The mile or two of the trail leading into Bar camp had been close to flat with some gentle ups and downs (the downhills, despite being small and very few in number, confirmed the existence of a benevolent higher power in my mind, and I felt a deep sense of gratitude for every one).  It also had widened and was much softer with fewer rocks.  I had taken full advantage and burst through most of it (having a tremendous amount of fun in the process!), arriving in Bar Camp on a bit of a high from the whole experience.  I left still in high spirits only to find the 3 miles spanning between Bar Camp and A Frame (the next camp) to be absolute HELL.

The problem: intense sun with no shade, dizziness from the altitude, and nausea- making drinking difficult and eating near impossible.  I became so dizzy and uncoordinated that there were times I thought I was going to fall off the side of the mountain.  I knew I needed to eat, but couldn’t get anything down.  Chewing meant not being able to take controlled breaths, and by that point eating while still moving was out of the question.  I tried my best to keep drinking and kept pushing forward, focusing on every step to keep from losing balance or falling over.  I knew if I stopped and ate I wold feel better, but I was afraid to rest before A Frame.  I wanted to make sure I got there within the 4 hour cutoff and knew if I could just make it there I could eat and take a rest.

That stretch seemed to last FOREVER.  I’m sure my pace suffered dramatically because I was so sleepy I truly could have curled up and slept right on the side of the trail.  I had to work hard at staying focused and tried to concentrate solely on putting one foot in front of the other.  It was painstakingly slow progress.  Every mile seemed to take longer than the last.  I couldn’t imagine how I would ever make it to the summit feeling the way I did.  I was overheated, starving, nauseated, exhausted, and likely hypoxic.  Then finally in the distance I could hear cheering and cowbells.  I had no concept of how far away they were given how far sound can travel when you’re up that high, but I clung to the hope it was close!

After what seemed like an eternity we arrived at A Frame.  Again the staff were wonderful beyond words.  They congratulated us on making it ahead of the cut off and offered another spread of every snack you could imagine.  For the first time since the race started, I took a seat on some grass and stuffed some cliff bloks down.  I rested only long enough to eat and check my time and then headed back out.  On my phone I had a text from Adam that he had arrived at A Frame 30 min ahead of me,  He also texted “I love you”, which cheesy as it sounds was exactly what I need to hear (or read).

I knew if I was only 30 min behind Adam that I was actually making good time; and while I didn’t feel terrific, I did feel better than prior to arriving at camp.  Shortly passed A frame, we traveled above the tree line and the view became SPECTACULAR.  I took a moment to enjoy it and take a picture (luckily I had just enough battery left on my phone… which only lasted to mile 11, likely from searching for signal the whole way).  I couldn’t help but think of what an amazing experience it was.  I could understand now why Adam came back year after year to endure the torture.  I can’t explain in words what it feels like to run/hike that high, push your body beyond your perceived limit, and then come across a view like that.  It was like nothing I had ever seen or experienced.

The last few miles consisted of narrow, steep, rocky switchbacks.  By this point I really needed to pee and the cold air didn’t help.  As spectacular as the view was, all I could focus on was being finished!  I knew we were getting close, but the end still seemed like it would never come.

Before long, we were up so high I couldn’t look out at the view anymore without getting dizzy (especially being so close to the edge on a narrow trail).  There was one more aid station before the finish, but there were also race supporters scattered throughout cheering us on and letting us know how little there was left to go.  At one point I looked down and noticed my hands were blue and realized just how cold it had become.  I had trouble getting my gloves on because they were sore and swollen.  Then, what felt like immediately after, the sun came back out and it got hot again.  We weaved back and forth, higher and higher until we could hear the cheers at the finish.

Once I could see the finish line, I tried to sprint as much as possible, but it was difficult with the crowding and terrain.  As I hurled myself up the last switchback a guy at the summit yelled “You’re like a cheetah! A MOUNTAIN CHEETAH!”  I was so focused on finishing, I didn’t even see my time when I crossed.  I had hoping to finish within 6 hours, which is the qualifying time for the marathon.  However, I was pleasantly surprised to find out my time was 5:09.  I think I surprised Adam, who expected me to take longer.  I told him my Ultra Beast Training most have been paying off after all.

Once at the summit I quickly retrieved my sweats (it was FREEZING up there!) and was happy to finally enjoy some the variety of snacks.  For the record, they were the most delicious pretzels and skittles of my life!  I even got to enjoy a hot cup of hot chocolate Adam’s dad purchased  for me while we waited for Adam’s roommate… and I have to say it was pretty delicious too.  It was definitely well appreciated, as was the huge hug he gave me when he found me at the summit.  As it turns out, Adam’s parents had arrived after we finished expecting it to take us longer.  They were pleasantly surprised to find us already waiting at the top.

Overall, I would say that the Ascent was both the most challenging and rewarding racing experience of my life.  I was surprised at how much of it I actually enjoyed and would absolutely recommend it to anyone who loves trail running.  I couldn’t imagine a better way  to train both physically and mentally for the Ultra Beast.  If I could “run” over 13 miles, up a mountain while barely being able to breath, I think I can handle the Ultra Beast course… finishing before the time cut off may be another story 😉

Surviving The Manitou Incline

First you feel like you’re about to die. Then you feel reborn.”

As part of my preparation for the Pikes Peak Ascent, Adam (yes, Adam and I did the Ascent together along with his roommate) and I decided to take on the Manitou Incline trail.  The trail boasts 2,700 ft in elevation gain ( starting at 6530 ft and at ending 8550 ft) over it’s one mile span… in other words it’s one steep B!t@H of a climb!  It’s a bit of an intimidating sight, even from a distance.  To say I was nervous would be a gross understatement.  All I could think about was the altitude sickness I had during the Norcal Tough Mudder, and that wasn’t even that high!

When we arrived at the trail head- complete with no trespassing sign (yup! that’s right, it’s illegal… but still one of the most popular trails) the route only looked more fightening.  Standing at the bottom, the trail extends straight up with no end in sight… literally.  It’s hard to believe it’s only less than a mile long when you can’t even see the finish at the start!

Once we started the climb, it became quickly apparent why it’s still illegal, namely it’s anything but safe!  The Cog Railway that used to run there was shut down in 1990 due to damage from frequent rockslides, and it doesn’t appear much has changed.  The old railway ties are still there, but at many points they are heaved in odd directions with gaping holes in between- making it pretty clear why traffic only moves in the upward direction.

“Am I supposed to feel like I’m about to die?”

The trail started with a moderate incline, but before we even hit the halfway mark, it turned nearly vertical requiring both hands and feet to climb it “safely”- no small task when your lungs are already screaming for air!  To complete the torture, it started to rain.  I was only slightly comforted by the misery on the faces of the people around us, and let me tell you- it was crowded in spite of the rain!  Even the people who passed us appeared to be heaving for their next breath.  I didn’t spot a single person running or even jogging.  Instead, it looked like a slow death march with several people not even moving at any given time.

At first I tried not to stop at all, but I was so dizzy from the attitude I was becoming terribly uncoordinated.  I started resting whenever I felt palpitations or my head started spinning, and that seemed to help.  I was SO MISERABLE!!! It is truly uncomfortable to feel like you can’t breath and then not have enough oxygen in your system.  It makes you dizzy, nauseated, and extremely uncoordinated… not to mention anxious!  Every second at spent at altitude gave me a real appreciation of what asthmatics everywhere struggle with on a daily basis.  I wanted so badly for it to be over and had to work EXTREMELY hard to keep my nerves in check.  At one point I asked Adam “Am I supposed to feel like I’m about to die?” (I think my chest felt like it was about to literally explode at that moment..)  He said “Yea, pretty much”;  and that was all I needed to hear.  I kept telling myself “this is normal” and the only way to make it stop was to reach the top.  Quitting was NOT AN OPTION.

When we reached the halfway point (also called the “bailout point” where hikers can catch the Bar trail and head back down), Adam gave me the option of heading back.  I told him I refused to quit and kept pushing onward and upward.

“who says coming down is the hardest part?”

Then, eventually, we FINALLY reached the top of the “false summit”, and I could see the top.  I was so elated!!!  It seemed like it had taken FOREVER, and for a while I had thought it would never end!  Now I was just feet away from the summit!  If I had been able to sprint the last of it I would have, but my lungs were so starved for oxygen I had to pause another 2 or 3 times to keep my heart rate in check.  I made it though; and I think Adam was surprised (he clearly doesn’t know me very well!).  He said he thought I might turn around because of the rain… I think he just underestimated how unwilling I am to give up!

 Conquering that trail made me equally confident and terrified of taking on the Ascent.  I was excited that I was able to push through the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE “RUNNING” EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE; but also scared to death that the Ascent would be even worse.

 Regardless, I still basked in the glory of the moment.  It was the first physical accomplishment I had achieved in a long while.  Accomplishing it after all the injuries and setbacks made it that much sweeter.  My legs didn’t even feel tired at the top (probably because I was too busy struggling for air), and that made me feel like all my Ultra BEast Training might actually be paying off.  The icing on the cake was without a doubt the run back down!  I had SO MUCH FUN bouncing from side to side, from rock to rock, and back and forth across the trail in my awesome new Inov8’s!!!

I felt like I was flying… at least until Adam passed me and left me in the dust.  Maybe I wasn’t going so fast afterall… lol  I did still accomplish something pretty awesome though.  Not too shabby for a sea level girl. 🙂

Dropped off the Face of the Earth?

“You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out, but you gotta suit up for them all. “
– J. Askenberg

Just in case any one has been wondering (or worried), no I have not dropped off the face of the earth… or stopped training.  Life has simply gotten chaotic, and given the choice between getting in a blog post and getting in a workout- I’m going to pick the workout every time.  Don’t be offended! I still love you all. 🙂

SOOOO here’s a quick summary of life post Tough Mudder:

  • Went to the chiropractor who, instead of scolding me for running, asked how it was and told me how he’s always wanted to do one.  Unlike me, he hasn’t because he’s afraid of getting injured and missing work.  I think he should stick with that plan until my shoulder is all healed.
  • Did some light training so as not to further aggravate my shoulder in the week after the Tough Mudder.  This included some running and [stationary] biking (love pedaling around in circles!!!! not really… but at least it gives me time to read) because that’s pretty much all that I’m allowed to do.
  • Celebrated Mother’s Day, and found out my sister was pregnant- SUPER EXCITING
  • Got a message from my sister the following day after her doctor’s appointment that it was twins and they were expecting a miscarriage.
  • Spent time off from work with my sister who was understandably devastated. I brought her important grieving tools- Ben & Jerry’s, chocolate candy and cookies, and tissues with aloe.  She told me thanks for making sure she would still look pregnant even if she wasn’t any longer.
  • Found out my Ultra Beast training/lifting buddy had ditched me for my cooler boot camp friends (who he met after I invited him to do the Tough Mudder with us).  This is likely partly do to him feeling responsible for injuring my shoulder and partly because they are shiny and new (plus I can’t compete with single women).  After initially being hurt about the fact our friendship has pretty much fallen to the wayside now that he is over his break up and in better shape- I’ve decided that I will just use this as further motivation to train harder and kick his ass in September…. jk…maybe
  • Worked some crazy off shifts at work
  • Attended my brother’s graduation for his master’s degree- SUPER PROUD OF HIM!!!
  • Started some light weight lifting because my shoulder felt “normal” for several days, and I can’t help but push it… I used really light weight to be on the safe side.
  • Spent several days putting together a graduation party for my brother
  • Did a little more light lifting and some trail running (where my legs felt like lead… maybe from the 20 miles on the bike and lifting the day before…)
  • Felt elated that my shoulder is still behaving despite the fact that I haven’t exactly been 😉
  • Spent an afternoon on the boat with Adam and some friends- including my girl Kelly.  I was a very good girl and didn’t attempt any skiing or knee boarding… even though it was killing me not to!  Still managed to have a good time anyway. 🙂
  • Finally had my family over to celebrate my brother’s graduation yesterday and ate WAY too much.

That pretty much brings us up to the present.

I also went to Home Depot this past week and picked up some sand bags for a very exciting home craft project.  All I need to do now is pick up some colorful duct tape…. more on that to come.

Today my plan is to maybe get a run in and hit the gym later depending on how my shoulder is feeling.  I am REALLY trying not to over due it.  I don’t want any further setbacks!  However, now that it is feeling better it’s really hard not to want to push it- especially with the Spartan Ultra Beast coming up!  For now I am trying to sit tight as best as possible and remind myself that I still have plenty of time to train (even if I don’t completely believe it).

Ironman in Training

Adversity causes some men to break and others to break records.”

-William Ward

No one likes facing adversity, but it’s an unfortunately necessary evil.  Adversity is what lets us know just how badly we want (or don’t want) our goals.  No one ever overcomes a great obstacle to victory and says “wow, I wish I had just coasted here instead”.  Why? Because ADVERSITY BUILDS CHARACTER.  It strengthens the mind the way physical demands create a stronger body.  It turns a simple goal into a journey– and journeys are what make up our lives.

That being said, I am still not happy about being sidelined by this shoulder injury!  lol  However, it has given me a chance to reevaluate a few things.  1) I don’t see the purpose in killing myself trying to get in as many Insanity workouts as possible in a week.  That stuff is rough on my joints and would serve me better on cross training days to mix things up.  I have too many other types of workouts going on to try get in their scheduled 6 sessions a week. 2)  I want to going climbing more frequently.  It’s a challenging workout both mentally and physically; and I have really fallen back in love with it over the past few months. Not being able to go has made me realize just how much I miss it.  3) As much as I LOVE boot camp, I seriously need to cut myself some slack when I can’t make it there.  I have a tendency to feel bad when our instructor yells at people for not showing up regularly- but most of them are not pulling multiple sessions a day and working 13+ hr shifts.  Plus, I know he’s not directing it at me personally and knows I make it when I can (AND I still busting my ass even if I’m not there.)

As you may have guessed, with all my downtime I have had LOTS of time to think.  What is ultimately all comes down to is this is my body and my training, so I need to do what works best for me.  Instead of trying to do it everyone else’s way (frequently at the say time) I am going to work on figuring out what is going to get me closest to achieving my goals.  Right now, those goals include Pike’s Peak and the Ultra Beast.  That means lots of running!  However, it also means conditioning myself to function when I’m fatigued and deprived of oxygen, AND building strength and endurance to conquer those obstacles.

Right now, I am pretty limited; but I have been making the most of what I CAN do!  Sunday I went for a long run on the trails and did LOTS of hills.  Initially I had planned on an easy 6, but felt so great I just kept going.  I probably knocked out close to 10 miles in total. IT FELT AMAZING!   I think it was exactly what I needed! (the mental “control-alt-delete” ) I didn’t want to stop, but I was afraid my IPhone would get wet when it started raining hard.  My shoulder held up fine, and the chiropractor said it was okay to keep it up as long as my shoulder wasn’t getting aggravated.  My calves, on the other hand, have been SCREAMING in rebellion.  I’m sure it was thanks to the vibrams, but I’ll happily take it.  I will gladly go down stairs backwards if it means getting to blow off some steam! Plus it’s kind of a relief to have some “normal” muscle soreness for a change.

In order to give my legs a rest from running, yesterday I continued my habit of pedaling like a demon and knocked out 28 miles on the bike.   Today  it was another 16- plus 10 min on the stair climber and a half mile around the parking lot just to loosen things up (it was my “light day”).  The more I pound out miles on the bike, the more resolute I become that I will do Ironman.  It may not happen in the next year, but my mind is made up.  I can see it. I believe it. I can become it. Consider me a woman on a mission! No little bump in the road is going to derail this train. 🙂

I have mountains to climb!

Revenge of the Shoulder Blade…

“The pride you gain is worth the pain.”  

-Dennis Ogilvie

Or  “my life on the injury roller coaster” 😉

I am not a super athlete; I’m not even athletic.  Rather, I am an orthopedic disaster.  I am used to being limited by my joints and spending time getting MRIs and Xrays.  I am accustomed to pushing through and blocking out pain.

However, 2 weeks ago when I tweaked my shoulder on that pull-up, I honestly wasn’t having pain.  I had a little soreness, but nothing to write home about.  Since then, I have been taking it pretty easy.  I haven’t done boot camp at all and only did Insanity once.  I’ve also avoided any lifting that might aggravate it..  The only thing I did do, which in retrospect was probably not a great idea, was go climbing a couple times- but I was pretty darn careful.

So yesterday when I woke up and my shoulder was bugging me a little I was kind of surprised.  I hadn’t worked out in 2 days, and hadn’t done anything to really trigger it.  I figured I must have just slept on it wrong.  I ended up sleeping a good part of the day because I was feeling under the weather (with allergy season hitting me like a ton of bricks) and had a hard time getting comfortable.

Then this morning I woke up with pain that literally took my breath away.  I couldn’t even turn my neck!  I managed to make it to work, but found myself cradling my left arm most of the day because it was so painful just to let it hang- even on the max ibuprofen dose.  I left work early to see an ortho doc and it turns out I have some muscle spasm going on.  Apparently it doesn’t take much to aggravate your shoulder muscles (specifically the infraspinatus muscles) and it takes FOREVER for them to heal.  In other words: no climbing, Insanity, boot camp, or lifting for at least the next week.  😦  I wonder if the 4 days I haven’t done anything already this week counts… jk

It looks like the stationary bike and stair climber are going to be my BFFs for a while.  Hopefully I will at least be able to run soon.  I am also hoping to be healed enough in 3 wks to still do the Tough Mudder (even if I have to skip obstacles), but I’m thinking that may be pushing it…

In case anyone is wondering how I am coping… I went for some retail therapy and bought the loudest running shorts I could find (figuring it’s going to be one of the few forms of exercise I’ll be allowed for some time...) 

As much as I am I frustrated about this whole setback, I am really trying to roll with it.  In reality, I am extremely grateful that it is just a muscle spasm and not a tear or neck injury (especially with all the numbness down my arm and in my fingers!).  In the grand scheme of things, a couple weeks of taking it easy is not going to set me way back.  Sure it sucks, but it could be a lot worse.

Normally, I’m a pretty tough cookie when it comes to physical discomfort.  I have spent my whole life with knee caps that pop in and out of place and have put myself through some serious physical torture. BUT THIS PAIN WAS NO JOKE.  If I could have found a spot to curl up and cry at work today I would have.  I don’t ever want to have a muscle spasm EVER AGAIN.  I would rather run a whole marathon TWICE…IN A ROW.

So it’s back to “resting” for me.  Unfortunately, shit happens. No point in getting upset or feeling sorry for myself about it.  Really, there’s not much I can do about it now other than regroup (and brace myself for the onslaught of lectures from the non-exercise inclined community about overtraining and how I push myself too hard… Btw just as you’re entitled to your opinion, I’m entitled to respectfully ignore it.  Your concern is appreciated, but completely unnecessary.  I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself.  I am strong and intelligent enough to make my own decisions about what’s healthy for me.  Exercise is my anti-stress, antidepressant, and instant center.  Risking injury every once in a while to stay sane and love myself is a trade off I am more than willing to make.  Besides, if I don’t ever push to my limits, how will I ever know them?).  Luckily, Pike’s Peak and the Spartan Ultra Beast are still months away with plenty of time to train.

In the meantime, I am going to do my best to reduce my stress and take care of myself.  As much as people like to point the finger at over training anytime I get run down or sick, the truth is my job has really been wearing on me.  My work environment can be toxic at times and being an emotional sponge– it really takes a toll on me.  Add on top of that everything going on with my mom and her dog and my grandmother getting sick, and you can see how a person can get worn thin.  With all the chaos I haven’t been eating that great (or enough) or getting much sleep- (which is generally the key component for me getting sick).

For me, exercise is the one thing that helps me combat all that stress, gives me an appetite (and makes me crave healthy food), and helps me sleep at night.  I feel more sore and miserable when I don’t work out than when I do.  There is no way I am going to let anyone try to convince me it isn’t good for me.

Last night I slept funny and I woke up with a terrible muscle spasm.  It could have happened to anyone.  It’s not a reason to give up or stop pushing.  Before I started really working out again, my knee caps popped out of place, I had crippling anxiety, felt weak and unsafe, and barely knew myself.  I am not about to give up all the ground I’ve made over some silly muscle spasm.  It’s not in me to quit… guess that’s just the beast in me. 😉


“I’m on the top of the world, looking down on creation”

 -The Carpenters

(You know you just sang that in your head)


Last night I dreamed that got into the Ultra Beast.  This morning I got an email from the Spartan Race people :


We like tough women and you seem to be in the ranks.  We applaud you for taking care of yourself, getting out of an abusive relationship and moving forward with your life.  We’d like you to meet our Ultra Beast.
Congratulations, your Spartan Ultra Beast application has been reviewed and you are being invited to register for the World’s First Marathon Distance Obstacle race to take place on September 22, 2012.  You are a part of obstacle racing history.  There is NO other event of this type anywhere in the world.  The field will be limited to a small, extreme group of athletes and you are part of a select few invited to take part. 
– Spartan Race HQ

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! I immediately called G-Dawg because he is clearly the only other person crazy enough to get as excited about the torture ahead of us as I am (and because Adam was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him).  As you might expect, we were like two little kids jumping up and down at Christmas. WE HAVE SO MUCH TRAINING TO DO!!!!  I know I should be terrified, and I will probably hate myself the whole way through it, but I know I can do it.  I am ready to make some history. 🙂

As far as my continued rest, I coped this morning by cleaning the entire house (including washing the windows) and vacuuming my car.  The fact that it is completely GORGEOUS out is not helping my urge to run, but spending some time gardening made me feel like I was still getting to enjoy the weather.

I Just Did Something Crazy…

“Do just once what others say you can’t do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.”

James Cook

Ladies and Gentle,

I have done something completely insane, but before I get into details I figured I catch you up on my most current fitness failings. 😉


So lately my left knee has been bugging me a bit.  It’s always the same spot- where I twisted it snowboarding a few years back.  I’ve had an MRI which was normal and got the green light to go balls-to-the-wall with my fitness craziness.  Anyway, I think with all the extra time and intervals on the new month of Insanity that there’s a good possibility I’m doing something to irritate it when I’m bouncing all fatigued (it’s more like thundering when I’m tired actually- case in point).

Given the knee issue, I have really been trying to back off the Insanity a little this week. That’s why I was really excited to do some upper body lifting this weekend.  Last night I ended up meeting the guys at the gym for some “light lifting”.  I don’t remember much of what we did other than the pull-ups.  Since I am still pull-up challenged at the moment, I had G-dawg as an assist. He had me do 3 sets of 3 while he spotted.  On the second set my shoulder popped and was feeling weak, but I managed to finish.  G-dawg insisted he was barely even touching me, and that I had improved dramatically from the last time we did them.  Since my shoulder was acting up though, we did the last set with a rope so my elbows were close together.  It definitely seemed a bit easier, but I didn’t appreciate having to come up twice each time to the right and left. lol

Unfortunately, my minimal assistance pull-up victory was short lived because this morning when we lifted again I totally flaked at bench.  My shoulder wasn’t feeling right and I just couldn’t get anywhere with my left arm.  Instead of using to two 10 lb plates on each side, I was down to 10 lb on each and struggling.  It was a little frustrating, but I was still able to get some decent lifting in by using lighter weights and changing my grip.  Adam and G-Dawg told me that I need to learn to focus more on my chest muscles when benching and stop relying on my shoulders, but it’s a little hard to do when your chest is female and not ripped with pecs- just saying. It’s a work in progress. 😉

Dead lifting makes me feel like a bad ass!

Although I love them both, working out with two former marines is not always great for my ego.  Today it definitely got to me a little that they make it look so easy and effortless while I was injured and feeling like a total wimp.  When I lift (with the exception dead lift) my arms and weights seem to go everywhere and everything feels awkward (I’m sure it’s worse in my head than it actually looks, and the boys assure me it’s normal when you’re starting out). lol  Then I look at the two of them and they are blasting out their reps with WAY HEAVIER weight (duh! I know, they’re boys).

It just sucks that I have spent the past year busting my ass while they both slacked and now they make the slightest effort and completely leave me in the dust.  I get that they have muscle memory in their favor and I’m building from scratch, but SERIOUSLY- they could struggle a little just for my sanity?  (Or add back extensions to every workout so I can at least demolish them at something, that’s a fair compromise- right?)

Anyway, at least I’m am getting somewhere with my pull-ups! Plus, taking a break from Insanity will give me a chance to get some running in- which I really need to be doing with another half marathon and Tough Mudder coming up in a month!  The vibrams should definitely help build my stabilizers in my legs, and I really need to get used to running in them again now that the weather is nicer.

As for the craziness- first, I don’t think I officially announced that I signed up for the Pike’s Peak Ascent– 13.1 miles of STRAIGHT UP- AT ALTITUDE.  Should be a good time! Adam and G-Dawg will be there, so at least I won’t be suffering alone.  Of course, the best part is the excuse to vacation in Colorado (one of my favorite places on earth!).  Interesting Factoid- the color for the race is purple because it was the first marathon officially run by a woman. How could I not do it knowing that !?! Girl power! (Plus I made a deal with myself that I would do it if I qualified, and I’ve qualified with 3 separate races times now.)

Second- and even more crazy– I sent my “running resume” to the officials of the Spartan Race to apply for a spot in the Spartan Ultra Beast.  For anyone living under a rock who is unfamilar with the Spartan Races- it’s a series of varying length of obstacle races ranging from roughly 5K to the Death Race which spans up to 48hrs.  Unlike the Tough Mudder, there are penalties for failing to complete the obstacles (lots of burpees!) and it’s designed to be as mentally demanding as physical.  The Ultra Beast is the first marathon length race- YES MARATHON, YES I HAVE LOST MY MIND.

Here’s the thing though- I have only been back at running a little over a year, and I’ve only been doing boot camp since October.  In that span of time I have become SO MUCH STRONGER physically and mentally than I ever thought possible.  I seriously doubted whether I could finish the Tough Mudder and the Marathon, but I finished both.  I used to doubt I’d be able to finish pretty much EVERY boot camp workout- now it’s never even a thought.  If you had told me a year ago that I would manage even one of the races or workouts I finished- I would have never believed it.  If I could go from a 10K to a marathon in 6 months, then there’s no reason I can’t go from running a marathon and 13 mile Tough Mudder at altitude to a marathon length obstacle course.  I’m stronger, I’m tougher, and I have a better training program and support system.  I know in my heart I can do it! (so of course I’m scared to death!)

What have you done to scare yourself lately? Step out of your comfort zone!

As an added bonus- when I do run it (if I don’t make it, I’ll do the Spartan Beast which is half the distance) I am totally getting their Spartan Chicked Gear!  What would a woman not do in the name of awesome fashion?  It will also be pretty awesome to possibly meet some of the other amazing women I’ve been reading about (even before I ever thought I could complete an obstacle race) that are a part of their “chicked” movement. 😉